Garden Variety Revolution

I spent the weekend protesting the Iranian elections from my balcony jungle night and day, day and night. The symbolically green tomatoes, along with the new Stevia plant, and me are pert near ready to drive to Tehran right now. I’ve got garden trowel and I’m not afraid to put it anywhere it should not be.



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What we need is a shit ton of salt. It is the best thing for slugs and slimy dictators. If US citizen salted Dubya with even a small teaspoon of Tony Chachere’s Creole Seasoning, we wouldn’t be in half the mess we’re in now. Look – it’s not hard. Even margarita salt will do. BBQ-ists, alcoholics, anyone with something salty should fly to Iran and start shaking.

Even my purple pansies are upset about this thing in Iran. All twenty-two blossoms (tall as weeds!) are ready for a fight. Do you know anything about the way pansies fight? They are worse than screaming animals. Vindictive like a woman with the power of a man. And you know the pansy was probably right, every time, which makes them capable doing anything. Only one person walks away from those kinds of altercations, and barely. If cable TV ever staged a fight between pansies and anyone else, I’d buy five subscriptions. Riveting stuff.

My yellow celosia is armed, the marigold is spouting ten back-ups and the impatients are in a hurry to help out. The hydrangea is leaning left now, too, even though it was leaning right last week. The gladiolus plants are turning red with anger. The lettuce? That lettuce was packed the day after the Iranian election. Ahmadinejad doesn’t have the dressing it would take to hold down this salad.

I’ve got chicken wire and pliers and I'm mad as hell. Iran - me and the garden are behind you all the way. Get 'er done!

Helter Skelter – The Beatles

Iran, I Ran So Far Away

I was reading about Iran because mass protest fascinates me, as an American. The only thing we protest in my country is Oprah, when KFC cannot honor her free chicken coupons. What is happening in Iran probably has nothing to do with Oprah. She must feel relieved. Me? I’m envious as hell. Why can’t my country have the balls to take a baton to the face like everyone else? This is so unfair.


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The Iranian election riots are attributed to the landslide victory in favor of Mahmoud Ahmanutjob over of the other guy, Mir-Hossein Obama. Iranians have taken to the streets to suffer beatings and death to protest what they believe is a stolen election.

In 2000, George Dubya Bush was ahead of Al Gore in the presidential election by only a whisper-thin rip-off count, and Americans let it go. Not even a landslide (like in Iran), and we just walked it off like some kind of cramp. This means that Americans are less than chumps – underchumps, actually. Anyone who gave a crap in 2000 (pebble sized) kept waiting for the system to right itself, oblivious to the fact that the system was up on blocks in someone’s backyard. Iranians are not waiting for new tires – they are driving on rims.

Americans who read the news about Iran are supportive, according to Twitter. I peeked at Twitter because all of the news stations keep mentioning how important Twitter is to the Iranian riots. ”Please don’t perform system maintenance tonight, Twitter – we need to have a 24-hour news IV, straight from Iran to our thirsty veins!” Twitter is the one-sentence voice from the front lines in real time. No Twitterectomy will help you now – the Pandora’s box is open.

Did you know that Hugo Chavez congratulated Ahmanutjob? Well, of course he did. It was a heartfelt exchange between two incompetent boobs with a yen for election thievery. I wish Dubya would chime in. Surely he must have something mangled to say about respecting the outcomes of elections?




A Flock Of Seagulls - I Ran