If you thought you saw it all when Anna Nicole Smith died, think again!
6:20 PM: B. just called to tell me Michael Jackson died. “He what?” Bad connection. “I said he died!” I asked her if it was suicide but she it was his heart. We both wondered if he would need embalming. Isn’t that awful? Us, I mean. I turned on CNN and they tried to play a clip of MJ singing We Are The World, but it's not MJ - it's Stevie Wonder. Cut to commercial.
6:25 PM: Larry King gave me terrible heebie jeebies. He said that he had to throw away a slide show presentation of Farrah Fawcett because MJ was the bigger scoop. “That’s life in the news business!” Lar, I think you didn’t mean it that way but I don’t know you. Maybe you meant to sound like a creepy old scab? I learn so much about people when there’s a crisis. Now we know why Lar has been divorced 85 times.
7:01 PM: Entertainment Tonight is airing the scraps of Larry’s Farrah presentation. I got through 30 seconds of it because the John Tesh-inspired score inspired the sensation of a hair caught on my epiglottis. My gag reflex is way too sensitive. I have the hardest time brushing my teeth in the morning, too. For tooth brushing, I hang in there. Not for ET. Poor Farrah.
7:26 PM: All of the news stations are airing clips of Michael performing with the Jackson 5 singing I Want You Back. Michael is wearing a turquoise jumpsuit with gold lame trim. It’s hard enough being a kid but 70’s fashions were especially cruel to entertainers. And so were their abusive stage fathers. Hey Joe, why is Michael missing a tooth?
8:01 PM: Larry King wants everyone to know he will broadcast twice this evening, instead of just once. He mentions this 3 times. A panel has been assembled to comment including Jeffery Toobin, a journalist who once interviewed MJ. He looks like he could puke. Someone asks Jeffery about Michael and he basically said that everyone around Michael was a vile, pig-like whoremonger and they should all roast in hell. Then he disappeared. Bravo, sir!
9:30 PM: TMZ.com broke the news about MJ, and the story about them scooping real journalists is on Yahoo!, CNN and ABC. Is this anything we need to high 5?
9:31 PM: Over it. Done. Had enough. I called Mom, who is TV-less since the digital conversion, and she asked me about today's news. “Michael Jackson died, Ma.” “Did he kill himself?” she asked. “I wondered the same thing, but no – it was his heart. Maybe pills. That’s what his lawyer said.” She loves ET and Access Hollywood more than anyone I know. Mom has many questions that I am (sadly) able to answer.
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