Unemployed? We Can Work It Out

I thought I read the number wrong, so I blinked and rubbed my eyes. When I refocused on the unemployment rate, it never gave an inch. More than 8.7 million people in the US are unemployed. The way I see it, we’ve got to fix this hot mess in real time, fast. But how?

First, we are going to get happy. That one is a major hurdle, but I think we can work it out. Second, I will commit to posting job listings once a week from assorted cities and Third, we are going to get through this.

GET HAPPY

If you are an unhappy and unemployed person, you run the risk of jumping in front of a speeding dump truck or committing a robbery. Look at me – right in the eyes. DO NOT! You are too pretty for a closed casket and you are not cut out for jail. Yes – of course money would make you happy. In lieu of cash, I’m going to ask you to think of something that makes you happy. Me? I visit the local animal shelter and take puppies for walks. Oh yeah – I said it! I am so unashamed. But you are different. You require effort and creativity. Do you know what makes you happy? Tell me. You and I will try and put more of that into your day. It makes me happy to help you. Thanks for that chance.

JOB LISTINGS

Florida
Orkin Pest Control - Lawn Care Supervisor
Have you ever watered a lawn, or directed other people on the finer points of lawn watering and pest control? Here’s your big break.

Louisiana
Ochsner Health System - Receptionist
Are you able to use a phone? Do you know what a computer is? Are you able to be nice to people? If your answer is yes and you have a high school diploma, get a J-O-B with a health care provider and receive awesome benefits. Act now!

Hawaii
DFS Hawaii – Sales Support
People with a strong back and good math skills are encouraged to apply. If you have ever seen a warehouse, you could probably do this job. Work in paradise and stimulate the economy! What are you waiting for?

GET THROUGH THIS

In a former life I was a Human Resources person. What this means is that I am able to separate the wheat from the chaff when it comes to resumes. I can smell a shine-job from about a hundred bazillion miles away – as far as Saturn, at least. I was the person who interviewed you and I am scary good at it. If you need a hand with your resume and cover letter, or pointers on interviews, perhaps I can help. Let me know! I’m serious!

Further, I think you look wonderful today. Let’s dance.

The Beatles – I Want To Hold Your Hand