Roland Burris and His Legion Of Zombies

Democrats in Illinois and the US Senate have been transformed into a legion of brain-eating zombies. It happened overnight. The swarming hives of ethics lovers were up in arms about Blago appointing Roland Burris on Monday. By Wednesday the Dems had decided they don’t want to live, if living is without Roland. Wot?

My Democrats love to get in line for things. They fall in for elections, picketing and to collect unemployment checks. Lines, lines, lines. Can’t get enough of them! When the Zombie Cooties broke out, it spread fast among Democrats because we are all waiting in line and huddled together. The change was swift and dramatic.

Jesse White, the IL Secretary of State who initially refused to certify Roland, has changed his damn-fool mind. Sen. Harry Reid became animated long enough to seem disapproving, but he couldn’t stand it. No spine. Even President-elect Obama was all like, “No way!” for five whole seconds. He, too, has backed away. Today, Senate Dems have “I LOVE ROLAND” flags hanging out of their tender behinds. They can’t love Roland enough, is what I am saying. Blago is laughing from his political grave as the reigning Zombie King.

Roland played his race card, the card I had spent months trying to diminish once and for all. And those idiots fell for it. When I got on board the Obama bandwagon I made a point to work against this card because the color of one’s skin should have nothing to do with anything. Silly me and my rainbow-colored crayon box.

I would agree that the US Senate is far too pale to accurately represent America, but Roland’s instant hot chocolate is hardly the elixir we need. If Roland had been up for a special election I would have been happy to hear him out. There was a door of opportunity and then Roland painted it black. He agreed to be appointed to office by Blago – a man who put a dollar value on his integrity, who is facing federal corruption charges – and for what? It is disgusting, but no one in charge calls it disgusting because they have their mouths full of brains.

Fisting Burris

I believe it’s called “strong-arming” but that doesn’t tell you anything about how the US Constitution might win out over Blago’s appointed geezer, Roland Burris. More so, my headline tells you more about how I feel about this mess.

Forbes magazine has the scoop.

In its landmark 1969 ruling in Powell v. McCormack, the Supreme Court held that Article I, Section 5, which makes "[e]ach House...the Judge of the Elections...and Qualifications of its own Members,"…set forth in Article I, Section 2.

Blah, blah blippity bloop. This means that President-elect Obama was upholding the Constitution when he urged the senate to deny any piece of trash from being appointed to his former office. Especially if said trash was installed by helmet-headed enema pump, Gov. Blagojevich. Now look, I’m just as shocked as anyone that a president of the US is respecting our constitution. I need to sit down.

Still, let’s be clear about something, though. As a registered voter in Illinois, and a Democrat, I would have preferred a special election. Our Dems here could have easily introduced legislation that would have allowed citizens to vote for a new senator, instead of letting Blago show his ass. Why didn’t that happen, Santa?

Democrats in IL were noisily shuffling impeachment papers (to sound busy), but mostly they were busy practising their favorite dance moves in anticipation of dancing on Blago’s political grave. The problem is that Blago isn’t dead yet. Also, Dems are worried that a special election might give a Republican candidate a leg up. A GOP smack-down for the future president’s former job? Oh, the humanity!

I can see how Dems would have a psychological problem with that scenario, but they don’t all live here and I do. Anyone in IL will back me up when I say that Dems and Repubs work together in this state. They lunch together, and they share the same greasy friends. Both sides have a stake in fisting IL taxpayers. No politician here has ever been caught appointing their children to jobs, or giving their butt-buddies big contracts because our pols don’t hide anything! No one, not ever! The processes are 100% transparent and up our ass without the benefit of lubrication or dinner afterward. If a Republican were elected over a Democrat, it would not make any difference. It’s that bad. And that is why those bastards owed us a chance to vote.

Believe me when I say I’m going to remember this on Election Day in two years. It will be interesting to see how many of Obama’s former volunteers, like me, effect real change at home. There are two moods I'm going to take with me to my designated voting place: disgusted and pissed off. Please join me.