Election Day In The US - GOBAMA '08!

Election Day is here! ELECTION DAY! George Bush can’t win! The Republicans are not going to rip us off again, not this time. Have you seen the lines? We’re in all the way for Barack Obama! YAY YAY YAY!

Guess what? I live in Chicago, IL and my senator is running for president today. Maybe you’ve heard of him? Baby, is name is Barack Obama. Oh please, if you have not yet voted for him I must ask you to cast a ballot immediately. I am serious – get in line now. I will bring you food and water, and even hold your spot during bathrooms breaks. I’ll drive you wherever you need to go and vote. If you ask me to stop at the grocery store on the way home, I will say, “Sure! Would you like me to push the cart?” I am here for you.

After today, people from across the world might stop talking to us like we are retarded. A girl can dream…

Wish us luck and GO VOTE AMERICA!!!

Gobama like you mean it ’08!

UPDATES:

1:55 AM - Dixville Notch, New Hampshire delivered a landslide for Obama.
Final tally:
Obama 15, McCain 6, Ron Paul 2. I LOVE YOU. Dixville Notch voted for Republican George Bush twice in previous presidential elections.

8:50 AM CST - Obama Casts Vote With Wife And Daughters


6:05 PM CST - Obama takes Vermont with 3 votes, McCain takes Kentucky with 8. Still waiting on Indiana. For the first time in a gazillion years, Indiana has been unable to be the first state to report. People are still in line!

7:21 PM CST -Obama is up 77, to Mccain's 34. Let's get to 270! Come on PA, come on FL!

9:41 PM CST - 207 to 135...

Wasted Time Equals A Poll Tax (Rachel Maddow Clip)

Will conventional voting locations have more voting machines available on Election Day than early-voting locations?

When I voted early a few weeks ago (county clerk's office), there were only 10 touch-screen machines available and I experienced a two-hour delay. Will "conventional" voting locations (high schools, fire halls) have more machines available, on November 4th, to handle the crowds?

Please don't get me wrong. I am very moved to see millions of Americans lining up to vote - it's a brilliant time to be here in the US. But still - long lines effect Democrats and Republicans alike, and it is not unreasonable to expect a more efficient means of voting for all citizens. Wasted time is just as much of a poll tax as an outright fee.

Rachel Maddow Explains:

Chronic Underestimation v. Anticipation

I’m in a real pickle about this upcoming presidential election. If I say that Barack Obama is going to blow the barn doors off the thing, I will immediately be accused of jinxing Obama and screwing up everything. The people I know and the pundits on TV are all aware that Obama is ahead in the polls, but no one wants to jump the gun and just say it.

Heck, I’m a bit scared myself. The 24-hour news cycles have me prepared for a political catastrophe of indescribable origin, by staging scenarios in which John McCain could suddenly pull ahead. No one knows what fate has planned (accept for most pollsters), but there is a vague possibility of frozen Hell and bird-pigs soaring over our heads - or so I am told. It seems unreasonable to me, but I get the impression from cable news people that I shouldn’t count Grampy out. Why not?

What if Obama wins? I know it’s crazy to expect a guy so far ahead in national polls to actually win the contest, but what if Obama can do it? Someone has to plan for victory here, just in case.

The only thing holding me back from being overly optimistic is one man: George W. Bush. Twice we gave him the keys to our country, our just washed and waxed country with a full tank of gas. The first time out he drove us into a ditch. The second time he drove the ditch off a cliff. You would think we Americans might have been wiser the second time, and obviously there is something wrong with us. People in this country are capable of screwing up and I thank Blind Justice Lady everyday because George W., by law, can’t have a third term. That is to say, unless McCain wins. Then the US would go to places only Dante has been. And believe me when I say Dante knows of Hell.

On the other hand, for the first time ever in the US, early voters are making a clear case for Obama. They seem to be coming out from all corners to stand in line – sometimes for several hours. Most of them are Democrats. None of them are afraid to dream. Even for a small while – as long as it takes to refocus their eyes.

I am telling you right now, my house is going to be noisy Tuesday night.

Funny How Alaska and Hawaii Figure In This Election Year

A girl can dream...


Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Somewhere Over The Rainbow




Don Ho - Tiny Bubbles

Happy Halloween, Sarah Hussein Palin

Guess who Barack Obama is going to be for Halloween? Sarah Hussein Palin, that’s who! Happy Halloween, folks. I am waiting for a scary story today. Sarah Palin was supposed to release her medical records earlier this week, but she still hasn’t forked ‘em over yet. My clock says it is 1:00 AM in Chicago on Friday. If anything leaks overnight, please accept my apologies.

I wonder if she poops her pants every time she sneezes? That’s not a huge problem, if you think about it. She could have a colostomy bag or diapers and everything could be contained. I could live with that.

Maybe she’s colorblind? She could mistake the ginormous red 3:00 AM phone for an environmentally friendly green phone, which she would never answer. Not good.

What if she has a learning disability? It would explain why she sounds so bug-fucking wrong every time she goes off the scripted path. That, my friends, is a problem.

On the other hand… What if Andrew Sullivan has a point? What if Sarah Palin has been pregnant four times, instead of five?

Frightening.

No…Wire…Hangers…Ever

Obama's Infomercial Will Liberate You

He had me at the amber waves of grain...

Part One:


Part Two:


Part Three:


Part Four (I recommend this):

The James Rocket - Donuts And Bacon

You've gotta hear this song. Best Election Day drinking song I have ever heard, in the history of ever! Brought to you by my new favorite band, The James Rocket. Click and listen...

Donuts and Bacon

Somebody needs to sign these people up to a label. Visit their site - free tunes provided, donations gratefully enjoyed.

McCain Insiders Suffering, Thinking About Changing Their Names

McCain campaign insiders are leaking more dirt than a busted Hoover bag. Oh yeah, baby. They hate Sarah.

Anonymous employees of Sen. Grampy are eager to vent to anyone who will listen.

“I’ve had it!” said an aide. “I’m supposed to be an advisor but I am knee deep in diapers and idiocy. Sarah Palin is embarrassing. How am I supposed to work with that? I'm not Annie Sullivan! I spend half of my time trying to keep Sarah's kids from setting fires and the other half beating my head against hard surfaces, trying to make myself pass out. No matter what I try and tell Sarah, she has a better idea. Why am I here?”

It gets worse.

“Yesterday, Sarah tried to make Nancy Pfotenhauer breast-feed Trig. Never mind how gross that is, but Nancy Pfotenhauer is like, I dunno, 60 years old. If she can squeeze-out a drop of anything remotely liquid, I’ll be the first one to call Ripley’s Believe It Or Not.”

“As soon as this election is over, I’m going to punch Todd Palin in the balls. We call a meeting, and there’s Todd. We make conference calls, and there’s Todd. John won’t even look at him anymore.”

“Mostly I hate John McCain. This whole thing is his fault. As soon as John loses this campaign I hope Cindy sends him divorce papers. These past two years are a smoking crater on my resume. Every potential employer is going to think I’m a moron or a racist, or something. I mean - come on! Have you seen the psychos at John’s rallies? Every day is Halloween, man. Fuck. This. I wish it was November 5th already.”

"Wasssup" 8 Years Later

Undecided Voters Served Here

Dear Undecided Voters:

How are you? Hope your family is well. I heard about your dilemma, and just wanted to say that I totally understand where you’re coming from and wanted to offer some help.

I empathize with you, Undecided. For instance, I can never make up my mind about take-out food on Friday nights. Do I want Chinese food or Thai? How about pizza? So many choices. I find it helpful to wait about an hour or two to make up my mind. By then, I’d eat my own leg as long as someone will bring it to me in a box, piping hot (with napkins and plastic forks).

The problem with waiting until the last minute to order take-out is that I tend to get a lot of dog food. If I can help you at all, Undecided, I might be able to make your choice for president really easy. Pretend that the presidential candidates are serving take-out food. No, really - it's easy.

This is the truth: John McCain is running a filthy slophouse. I liked the guy in 2000, but he let things go. The lady who answers the phone is an idiot. I had to repeat my order to her 500 times and she still got it wrong. McCain makes everybody wait an hour and a half for everything, and what do you get? A grimy bag full of fried hair and spaghetti sauce, and he forgot to include a side salad. Again. Man, it’s like he thinks I have no dignity. You couldn’t get me to go back.

McCain told me not to go to Barack Obama’s place, and now I know why. He’s freakin’ scared as hell of losing business.

Barack makes food that tastes great, arrives quickly and doesn’t cost an arm and (my) leg. Big O (that’s what the regulars call him) roasts a turkey dinner every day and the ice cream is free for kids. He has something on the menu almost everyone can eat. I like the food I’ve tried there (from breakfast bagels to meatloaf). Mmmm... If the Big O is a socialist, then so is my mother (who is from North Carolina, and they do NOT make socialists there). I mean, come on – Barack doesn’t hang out with terrorists or give people salmonella and abortions in the back, or anything like McCain said! What a jerk that McCain is.

Undecided, try Barack’s take-out, ask for my pal Joe Biden and they will totally hook you up with something warm and delicious. The prices are very reasonable. Have the pie, too. Apple is my favorite.

Enjoy Your Meal,
Mojopo

P.S.: Barack is open for breakfast and lunch, and will accommodate large parties on short notice.