Blagojevich: Did you get my money?
Candidate #2: One more week, and I’ll have it all.
Blagojevich: That’s a f-----g problem. I might be more patient if you take off your shirt. I can’t hear you when you’re wearing a f-----g bra.
Candidate #2: Ahhh…I’ve been dying to take this off all day…
Wait – it gets worse!
Blagojevich: Is it true what they say about black c-cks?
Candidate #5: Totally. If I show you, can I have the senate seat?
Blagojevich: That depends. How big is it?
[zipper sound]
Blagojevich: NOT BIG ENOUGH. Get my money or no seat!
Candidate #5: Come on man! It’s cold in here! Give me two minutes, and I swear to God - it’s like an elephant’s trunk.
Blagojevich: I’ve got an idea.
[zipper sound]
Blagojevich: How’s about you make mine bigger and throw in a happy ending? You get one week.
Candidate #5: Can I use a tissue?
Blagojevich: No, but you can use your motherf-----g mouth. My turn next.
Then there’s that, that... THING with his wife on the phone:
Blagojevich: Jesus Christ. I feel sick and conflicted.
Patti: What did you have for lunch?
Blagojevich: A big, black – uh - hot dog.
Patti: Why the f—k did you eat a black hot dog? What that f—k is that? Was it burned?
Blagojevich: Wait – did you just hear that noise?
Patti: I didn’t hear jack sh-t.
Blagojevich: I wonder if that assh-le Fitzgerald is taping me?
Patti: That assh-le? Stop being paranoid. He’s too much of a f----t to be that clever.
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