Friday, April 06, 2007

That's Freakin' Weird Day - Volume 1

Welcome to… “That’s Freakin’ WEIRD Day!” at Mojopost.

That’s Freakin’ WEIRD Day (TFWD) is a brief sideshow. Part medical mysteries, part oddities, with some unusual pictures and curiosities tossed in for good measure. Shall we begin? Good.

Special thanks to my guardian angel and inspiration, Shlitzie The Pinhead, for giving me the idea for TFWD.

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, I bring you… The Moscow Cat Circus! YAY YAY YAY!

Awesome! I have $50 on the cat to win the next round.

Next up, something spooky.

I looked for the best collection of ghost images I could find. I’m not sure if I’m seeing ghostly images, or thumbprints on a camera lens. Check out Ghost Photography.

When I started searching for ghost photographs, I didn’t realize how very many websites I would find. A quick Google search provided me with 16,500 hits, none of which I wanted to pass over for this Good Friday post.
It seems as if there might be a great deal of very sad people with dirty cameras and active imaginations out there, or is it something else? Are the dead desperately trying to connect with us, to tell us something? “Don’t forget to cancel my dentist appointment next month…Booooo…!”

Speaking of dentists…
This image is an example of what happens if you don’t brush your teeth. Sometimes, a mysterious fungus takes over. For real! This condition is called Lingua Villosa Nigra, more commonly known as Black Hairy Tongue. Disgusting, isn’t it? Remember to floss, too.

Sometimes sleeping naked is not a good idea. If you’re in a mosquito-infested area, in say…Africa…remember to bring your mosquito netting. Just ask this guy. He has Lymphatic Filariasis. Can you believe the balls on that guy? Whoa.

Let me help you get that image out of your mind.

Where were we? Ahh, yes. Exotic erotica.

This following website may be a web first. For anyone who’s into furniture, I mean really into furniture, this site is a must. I bring you… Furniture Porn!
I enjoyed the backdoor action with the patio set. How about you?

Until next time, Pee Wee Herman will dance his way to the end of this post. Have a lovely weekend, folks!

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Why So Crabby?

Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of crabby people grouching and complaining all around me. If I go on the Internet, message boards seem to be having a massive PMS-a-thon – males included. When I read the news, Nancy Pelosi is telling George Bush to chill, and he’s telling her to get a grip. Iran and the UK are engaged in a deadly game of "did so/did not" while the lives of hostages hang in the balance. On smaller scale, the cashier at the grocery store sneered at me yesterday when I asked where I could find charcoal briquettes for my grill. “Hmpf. I wish I had time off to grill.” What do I say to that? I’m sorry? Even the rats on my patio are crabby. They dragged their rat bait condos into my walking path and flipped me the bird last night when I was making hamburgers.

I even found this cranky cat on YouTube. I think this is cat-speak for, “Don’t tape me, a-hole!” Get it?

I can’t blame the month of April. It’s still a young month. It must not be March’s fault, either, because people were all pissy about things then, too. In February, a shit-faced off-duty police officer assaulted a young female bartender when she refused to serve him another drink, right here in Chicago. What about January? Credit card bills came due for December holiday purchases. It’s been The Winter Of Our Discontent for months now. If people don’t knock it off soon, I am afraid we’re likely to start driving nails into the ends of sticks to beat each other with at random intervals. Something has got to give!

I really don’t know how to change the mood. While so many people are feeling sensitive, I have instead become apathetic. Normally, I’m all for a round of good times and fun. And I’m eager to debate a point I feel strongly about. Not lately, though. I’ve been in a “I don’t give a shit, and screw you people anyway” mood. That’s hard for me to admit, because I don’t like being Debbie Downer. I’m a woman – we fake things. Orgasms, delight and surprise. We especially fake surprise if someone tells us gossip we’ve already heard, but were not supposed to know. “She screwed so-and-so, and then got herpes? On her FACE? I had NO idea!” Something like that.

While I am feigning smiles and mustering a good attitude in spite of myself, it’s not working. I don’t know if it’s because I’m fed the hell up with all the crabby people, or if I’m just bored.

I can’t save the world from discontent today, but I’d like to know how to shake off the doldrums. I’ve tried music, food, and even turned to cheerful glasses of alcohol. I force myself to read opinions from people I would never agree with, with the intention of mustering a raging torrent of righteous indignation. I walk. I get outside. I volunteer. I know I’m not getting enough sleep, but that Ambien stuff made me do some very weird things. I must shake this off. It’s cramping my funny bone.

If anyone has suggestions, post ‘em here. If you have a solution for crabby people, tell me about it. Feel free to vent here, as needed, so that you can reserve your energy for faking happiness in real life, too. If you know how to get me out of my blue funk, have at it!