Catching Up With Exclamation Points!

I have not blogged in a month! Maybe one or more of you wonder why! I'll tell you that and more!





I joined the Y to get my ass down to human size!

I got sick of cable news and politics! Keith Olbermann's noogies! Teabaggers! Balloon Boy! Liberal's fixation with Glenn Beck and FOX News - whatev! I've got better shit to do!

Blogging was taking time away from real-life adventures! Like bowling! And sobriety!

I got my mind on money and money on my mind! So I'm writing a book! It will have actual pages full of sentences to read!

I'm trying to find out what goes into a submission packet for late-night TV writers! Apparently, it is a giant secret! WTF! It's like trying to find a fat kid who DOES NOT smell like Burger King!

Also! The Bermuda Triangle is located off the coast of Twitter, between Facebook and a news feed icon! Unplug when the compass goes bananas!

That's what I'm up to! Hit me back, stranger! Have a happy day!


Jay Reatard - It Ain't Gonna Save Me

Politics Of Love - New VH-1 Series with John Edwards

Morally impoverished former presidential candidate John Edwards is dating again. Which community college cutie from night school can win John's heart? Watch Politics Of Love, Monday at 9:00 PM on VH-1.









I spoke with Bret Michaels (Rock of Love, lead singer of Poison, douchebag) about dating on reality programs.


"For me, the experience was complicated by medical conditions I may or may not have. Finding the right women, who may or may not share these afflictions - burning, itching and whatnot - was a daunting task for the producers. Once we got everything in sync, I think we resolved my lack of depth with just the right amount of hair weaves, cleavage and Valtrex®."




Flavor Flav, asthmatic cocksman from Flavor of Love, also commented:


"People said my show could not be real, that is was too much to believe. What is not real about women with acrylic nails and breast implants fighting for the love of a short and ugly, but rich and famous man? I mean - hello? Have you SEEN Ron Perelman? And he had Ellen Barkin, when she was hot. I rest my case."



I asked John Edwards if he's still waiting for his wife to die, so that he can marry his baby mother. Edwards had no comment.

How Big Is It? - U2 360 Tour

Ground Control to Major Tom…

That’s how the U2 360 Tour at Soldier Field started, with a recording by David Bowie.

Ground Control to Major Tom…

It took four days to build U2’s set. What is that? This is a ginormous set of space claws, expelling gasses and digital images bigger than a swimming pool. I came to the show with a healthy dose of skepticism about that monster, wondering if it would seem like a very big and empty gesture. The thing I noticed first is that U2 were brought down to size beneath this structure - they were no bigger than me or the people I came with. The set design is also about accessibility. You see, U2 are just like you and me. Our only differences are net worth and international fame. And special effects. But really, we're all the same.

Take your protein pills and put your helmet on…

The Olds (people older than me) learned lessons about social activism from Harriett Tubman and Bobby Kennedy. Not me. Back in my day, we were enlightened beneath the cascade of Bono’s mullet, as he sang about war with a beat we could dance to.


This is a picture of me dancing and taking pictures during “City of Blinding Light”.







I missed every preceding U2 tour. At 360 I ended up on the floor near the sound mixers. I could feel "Elevation" in my chest!







This is a haunted photo of my WOO WOO! during “Until the End of the World”.






After School Special Moments
You know there have to be several, right? Green lights for Iran. Singing along with “Amazing Grace”. Wearing Aung San Suu Kyi masks. A robot voice reading Stop All the Clocks by W.H. Auden.

Self-indulgence and idealism are two sides of the same coin. You can’t get to where they are without generous spending.

You will love this.

U2 on September 13, 2009

Rock Your Face Off With James William Roy

Paper Valentines is the latest by musician James William Roy. What does he have in common with Lee Harvey Oswald? People with three names always end up on TV. You just wait! Terrific body of work, sir - five thumbs up!

Joe Wilson Is Your Pre-existing Condition

Remember that time Congressman Joe Wilson called Pres. Obama a liar on national TV? OK, but what about Joe? To learn more about this fiesty boob, visit Joe Wilson Is Your Pre-existing Condition (click on the text for updates).