Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Poop On Kitty

I’m feeling political today. As George W. Bush’s Reign of Skank is beginning to wind down, why not take a look back at a book written about President Moron and his retarded family?

Today's takedown involves a terrible author and an even worse subject. Have you ever read The Family: The Real Story of the Bush Dynasty by Kitty Kelly? This book is a perfect storm of craptastic proportions. Kitty Kelly made a career out of writing horseshit unauthorized biographies about celebrities and powerful people. This particular book is especially awful because it's about the most hated man in the world. No - not Osama, silly. It's about our shitty president here in the U.S., and his inbred, filthy rich family. The only reason I’m bringing up this old news is because I honestly saw this book in the dumpster next to my apartment building yesterday.

Kitty Kelly, the author, is a breathless, smirking old bat. Kitty has that American way of looking matronly and country club fresh, even though she probably lives in her bathrobe most days and walks around with a bottle of gin in her claws. Kitty writes tell-all books and she likes to dig up dirt. Animals like to dig in the dirt, too, so they can make a hole to crap in.

Kitty's writing style is more or less the equivalent of literary excretion. The problem is, she wants to keep looking at the huge dump she made and can't bring herself to flush. She has to pay homage to her dump and turn it into a book.

Here are some fun facts about those assholes, the Bush family, that Kitty wants to share.

* Laura Bush bought, sold and consumed giant amounts of pot in college.
* Dubya was a wife-beating drunk.
* Dubya's Daddy, #41, had an affair with his secretary.
* Dubya’s mother, Barbara, is a stone cold bitch with fat ankles.
* More drugs, more illicit sex, more money - gobs and gobs of oil money.
* The Bush family is full of vampires, who live on the blood of kittens, babies and minorities.

I made up the last one, but you get the point.
I'm down with Kitty's cause - it's good to smear George W. Bush. He deserves it. Trouble is, I don't think she went far enough. This book was missing a series of outrageous lies, because those kinds of lies are the kind Bush's supporters believe. She could have ruined him, but no. Besides, why can't she make up some really juicy stuff instead? Why does his family sound like every other rich and dysfunctional family I've ever heard of? If she's going to diss the Bush Dynasty - smack that ass!