Thursday, June 11, 2009

Party At Planet Nutrition

Hello, world! I am transmitting this message from a tropical beach on Planet Nutrition. Everyone reading Mojopost is invited! The escape hatch is at your fingertips.

If Debbie Downer squashed your Moon Pie on the bus ride over, don’t worry! Moon Pies grow on the tops of ponds on Planet Nutrition – like lily pads - and they are LOADED with fortifying vitamins, minerals and important fibers. YAY, WE LOVE FIBERS!

Here is the secret password. Don’t forget it. What you have to do is put your sloppy mouth in the crook of your elbow and blow as hard as you can. BRRFFFPPP! Ta-daah and welcome to Planet Nutrition! Holla back, earflinks!

Do you like to be tickled? You can get tickled pink, tickled silly and plum tickled in the Tickle Lounge. No appointment necessary.

Mr. Wobblyhands is working his magic in the Nutrition state of Refreshment. Everything you like is served there. All of it. Each. Don’t forget to toast your neighbors to receive a complimentary deli platter.

If you do any sightseeing at Nutrition, by all means DO visit the Rubber Canyon in North Funtime (right off I90). There’s Thorazine Mountain, Warm Blanket Falls and the Universe’s Biggest Swedish Fish. Ride the Jell-O-coaster as soon as possible. Smushing through the wall of flan at the end is my favorite part!

What are you waiting for?

Bookmark and Share

Doodlin' Song - DooDooDoo

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Ka-Ching: Patti Blagojevich Would Do Anything For Cash Money

Ladies and gentlemen, Mojopost thanks you for your patience. We’ve been experiencing technical difficulties so severe that Comcast has generously agreed to credit us for two days of service. Apparently, someone forgot to tell the Midwestern storms that I’ve got a blog to run. My goodness, I even missed Patti Blagojevich bawling her eyes out on I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here!

No, of course I don’t watch that show. Well, only when Blago’s wife is eating bait for money. Times are hard for the Blago family. Last year they were (expletive) golden. And now look at them! Patti B. is in the jungle and she gets paid per rat bite. Hard times for sure! Hee hee hee…

While I’m thinking of I’m A Celebrity… can anyone explain to me how and why Spencer and Heidi Pratt (aka Speidi) became famous? Her voice reminds me of food processor full of whistles (fun story for another day). And him? Spencer Pratt is merely pebble in my bowl. I will flush him later when something more important happens or company comes by. I hope Patti B. eats Speidi when she runs out of rice and beans.

Poor Patti B. She has been so careful to avoid swearing and has not bribed any of her fellow contestants with the promise of a seat in the Illinois senate. I find myself liking her almost, because she has the doofiest bathing suit. It takes guts to go on live TV in that get-up with a mouthful of tarantula. Although I should note that Patti B.’s fellow contestant is Janice Dickinson, an aging psycho/supermodel, who keeps stealing everyone’s combs and underwear for her own use. Next to Janice, that guy on the El with Tourette's syndrome is going to seem quaint. Patti B. needs a better yardstick than Janice Dickinson to measure social acceptance.

Blagojevich eats a spider in reality debut
Blagojevich eats a spider in reality debut

Bookmark and Share

Monday, June 08, 2009

Brain Monster Warning

Ooops! Someone let the Brain Monster out of the holding pen, and it's demanding eight full hours of sleep. Must comply.... More later.