Friday, September 04, 2009

Mojopost Keyword Searches

Sometimes you scare me. Here is a list of recent keyword searches on Mojopost.

1. Mojopo Dies
2. Caligula
3. Naked Teen Rally
4. Michael Jackson latest
5. Naked surprises

Would anyone care to explain? Anyone. If you can explain #1, please remember to include your address and phone number.

School Children Reminded To Avoid Pedophiles and Barack Obama

Some parents are upset at Pres. Obama because he’s going to deliver a message about personal responsibility to school children. I hear them! If there is one thing I can’t stand, its personal responsibility. Further, I feel that children are going to be bored senseless. We don nead no edjacashun - we don nead no thout cuntrole. Leaf owr kidz ALNOE!

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Personal responsibility is bad for morale. Absolutely no one wants to wake up and have to do things. Someone else, I don’t know who yet, usually handles stuff. Make that person watch Obama!

Education is overrated. Take math, for example. The government is wasting millions (billions?) of taxpayer dollars to have some crackpot teach math to poor little kids. This is outrageous! Do we really need to keep these so-called educators on our payroll, when a calculator is much more cost effective? Wake up, America!

I’ve had it up to HERE with Obama’s socialist agenda. Help the sick, help the poor… Jesus Christ! He’s helping himself to my money, is what he’s doing.

Politics are not appropriate for the classroom. If it was, voting would be mandatory. Mandatory voting? Great. I suppose we’ll get fined for not showing up, huh? I’ll sue.

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Thursday, September 03, 2009

Speech Imp-p-p-p-pediment

This is an example of my dreams on Chantix, a medication I'm taking to help me quit smoking. Side effects of Chantix include unusual dreams. My dreams are more focused than the video shown, and as vivid and disturbing as advertised.

Last night's sleep had me living at cellular level, and I was receiving take-out sandwiches consisting of live kittens in mayo.

The night before? It was an all-night argument with family members. Each time I was on the cusp of delivering the best fix-your-ass statement in the history of ever, I woke up. No, worse than that. I woke up to go poop several times, plus my comeuppance denied.

I have all kinds of free space available in my lungs these days. What kind of trick is that? Anyone can breathe in and out. Back in the day I could fill my lungs with two packs of cigarettes and wrap my mouth around an exhaust pipe just to show off. Now what?

I've been adding up the do not's and no more's in my life. No smoking, don't stay up so late, don't drink too many martinis on Fridays... On my horizon is a disturbing sense of normalcy and health. What do I have left? HINT: It's the first tool I ever put in my box.

I'm not right in the head, that's what. I will cling to this one thing for the rest of my life. If you want my crazy, you're going to have to pull it out of my cold, dead head.

God bless us, and especially me!

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