Friday, June 19, 2009

Babble On

It’s a big world out there with all kinds of news, and maybe that’s why I turned on the radio in my car instead. With all of that noise surely I can find one thing that sounds good? Yes. I did. On the way to Costco.

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I have this weird little system now, since my Dad died. He loved music and so I turn the radio on and ask my late father what he would like to hear. Maybe you have weird little systems, too. Last week I found Foggy Mountain Breakdown by Flatt and Scruggs on the radio – on the first try. Here’s the crazy part – he loved that song. A great day.

I was in my head pretty tight today, mostly because I was nurturing some worries. Do you ever get that way – when you think about something too much? Me too. When that happens and I can’t do something constructive, the best thing for me to do is drive. I hate driving, but I like it when it takes my mind off things. Stop signs and signal lights give me reason to stop thinking and follow orders. When I got into the car, I did my usual thing and asked Dad what to play. With that, I hit the scan button and a song was just starting. It’s a song I have loved forever. It had a new meaning for me today, because I’d like to believe that my father played it.

David Gray – Babylon

That’s all I have today. Thanks for reading.

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Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Digital Conversion From Hell

Hello – my name is Mojopo and my own mother has been left TV-less since the digital conversion last Friday. Yes, we were aware of the switch a year ago (or more), and we all made sure Mom got a coupon for a converter box. She even has leftover coupons, but that’s not the point. The point is that Mom had a converter box well in advance and my nephew hooked it up. We had this crazy idea everything would work out eventually. FAIL.
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My mother is only receiving Channel 23 out of Buffalo, which she tells me is chock full of garbage. They don’t have Regis and Kelly or her favorite weatherman, but they have lots of Tyra Banks. Oh, this is sad. She lost her husband of 59 years in March and now this.

Forget selling her on cable. While cable subscribers can receive a signal without a converter box, the only thing Mom remembers about cable TV is that the owner of Adelphia went to jail for ripping people off. Mom will not support the potential for criminal activity in her own home. Period. No cable. Ever.

“Hey Mom,” I said, “how about we all chip in and get you a new TV that can receive a digital signal?” She will not have it. “My TV is only 3 years old and it was on the ‘approved’ list. I don’t need a new TV!” When I pointed out that her TV is only enabling Tyra, she suggested that I come to visit and push her TV to the curb with the trash. “Might as well,” she said. So forlorn. “My antenna is fine, too. I hate this government.”

I’m going to spend some time talking to her local Radio Shack, to make sure everything is connected and programmed properly. This should be excruciating, since I will be inquiring from Chicago and not at my Mom’s house, or anywhere near her TV. If I don’t get this figured out, there is a potential for Mom to turn on the radio and hear Rush Limbaugh. I am terrified.

If anyone reading this blog has tips, suggestions and advice please tell me what to do about the converter box. I am actually begging. Others are encouraged to pray for us. If you will not pray, you are a part of the problem. Thank you and Amen.

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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Iran, I Ran So Far Away

I was reading about Iran because mass protest fascinates me, as an American. The only thing we protest in my country is Oprah, when KFC cannot honor her free chicken coupons. What is happening in Iran probably has nothing to do with Oprah. She must feel relieved. Me? I’m envious as hell. Why can’t my country have the balls to take a baton to the face like everyone else? This is so unfair.

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The Iranian election riots are attributed to the landslide victory in favor of Mahmoud Ahmanutjob over of the other guy, Mir-Hossein Obama. Iranians have taken to the streets to suffer beatings and death to protest what they believe is a stolen election.

In 2000, George Dubya Bush was ahead of Al Gore in the presidential election by only a whisper-thin rip-off count, and Americans let it go. Not even a landslide (like in Iran), and we just walked it off like some kind of cramp. This means that Americans are less than chumps – underchumps, actually. Anyone who gave a crap in 2000 (pebble sized) kept waiting for the system to right itself, oblivious to the fact that the system was up on blocks in someone’s backyard. Iranians are not waiting for new tires – they are driving on rims.

Americans who read the news about Iran are supportive, according to Twitter. I peeked at Twitter because all of the news stations keep mentioning how important Twitter is to the Iranian riots. ”Please don’t perform system maintenance tonight, Twitter – we need to have a 24-hour news IV, straight from Iran to our thirsty veins!” Twitter is the one-sentence voice from the front lines in real time. No Twitterectomy will help you now – the Pandora’s box is open.

Did you know that Hugo Chavez congratulated Ahmanutjob? Well, of course he did. It was a heartfelt exchange between two incompetent boobs with a yen for election thievery. I wish Dubya would chime in. Surely he must have something mangled to say about respecting the outcomes of elections?

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A Flock Of Seagulls - I Ran

Monday, June 15, 2009

Mojopoll - Results and New Poll (Books I Want To Poop On)

I asked Mojopost readers which judge they would pick for the Supreme Court if Sonia Sotomayor breaks another leg, and almost everyone chose The International Chili Society. According to you, people who can award blue ribbons to bowls of chili are just as capable of making decisions about gun control, abortion and stem cell research. And now you all understand how we roll in the US of A – on our stomachs.

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One person chose Judge Taylor in the last Mojopoll. I know because I picked that one myself. “Who the heck is Judge Taylor – is he on Court TV or UPN?” someone asked. Hmmm. Well, I guess you all lied when you said you read To Kill A Mockingbird. Now does Judge Taylor ring a bell or wasn’t he mentioned in Cliff Notes?

You remind me of fellow I knew in college. He used to stock his Ikea bookshelves with all kinds of “important books” by “noted authors” he knew nothing about, and he thought women would find his bookshelves irresistible. It all fell apart one day when a girl asked him something about Camille Paglia’s menopause book.

Oh sure, I’ve posed as a fan of a book I never read. Sometimes it speeds up a conversation with a real boor. I did it at a dinner party once, when everyone was talking about “The Celestine Prophecy”, a book I would gladly load into a cannon and blow into a convenient landfill. If any book needs to be a garbage bomb, I’d have to say that “The Celestine Prophecy” is in my Top Five. I tried to finish that book, but it made me feel like I had to cut somebody. No, I didn't look back.

Here’s your task for today. Help me remember some of the worst books ever written. I’ve suggested five books I would poop on, listed at the poll on your right. I can add other books to the list if more than five people mention the same title. Hit me up. Which books would you most like to poop on?

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