Friday, June 05, 2009

Obama's Cairo Speech

Pres. Obama delivered a speech in Cairo June 4th about “new beginnings” regarding US relations with the Muslim world. Yesterday also marked the 20th anniversary of the Tiananmen Square Massacre. I cannot think of a better day than yesterday to highlight the importance of diplomacy.

Twenty years ago, the Chinese government murdered demonstrators in Tiananmen Square because they had the audacity to petition for democratic and economic reform. After the massacre, the government banned all foreign reporters from the country and arrested anyone who might have been tainted by dissent. What happened in Tiananmen Square reminds the world that freedom of speech costs more than anyone should have to pay.

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There are countless special interests groups across the globe that would not benefit from peace in the Middle East. Pres. Obama challenged us to work against those divisive factions. We could coexist in conflict, which has been an abysmal failure, or we can work together against the things that have pulled us apart. This is how progress is made – to try something else when all previous efforts have failed.

I regret that the men and women who died in Tiananmen Square are not here with us. They may have appreciated Pres. Obama’s speech, especially this part:
“I have an unyielding belief that all people yearn for certain things: the ability to speak your mind and have a say in how you are governed, confidence in the rule of law and the equal administration of justice, government that is transparent and doesn't steal from the people, the freedom to live as you choose. These are not just American ideas. They are human rights. And that is why we will support them everywhere.”

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Thursday, June 04, 2009

Kim Jong-il and Kim Jong-un




North Korean leader, Kim Jong-il, has chosen his son, Kim Jong-un, to be his successor. Find out what your neighbors are saying!







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Gretchen Fabres-Olson
Lickety Split Liquors, Owner
Are you serious – Kim Jong-un? The youngest? Now I know why he hasn’t been in here in a while. I thought he was in AA or something. He used to come by once or twice a week for J├Ągermeister and a box of Slim Jims. My friend Juanita used to do his perms, but she had to let him go when he got all handy with the shampoo girl one day and made her cry. Juanita said he only tipped her two dollars. Hello? Two dollars! What is she supposed to do with two dollars?




Marshall Farina
Surveyor, Retired
Something is not right about that family. Jong-un came by trick-or-treating last Halloween. He was 24 years old then! He was wearing a really awful, last minute hobo costume. There he was, knocking on my door with a dirty face, like it was supposed to be a beard, and a can of beans tied on the end of a stick… No imagination what so ever. But worse, he’s a grown-up! I mean, he’s short and he could almost get away with it. Almost but no. He made his sister carry his candy bag, too. Pathetic. I would have punched him in the balls but I thought he would slash my tires or something. North Korea is screwed, man. All of Kim Jong’s kids are total whackos.


Stuart Olson
Unemployed
Dude, we play WOW all the frigging time. That’s World of Warcraft for the newbies. Mostly, we play at his house. He’s got, like, six different Alienware lappies and we nailed all the cheats. Good times. I’m going to be his Defense Minister.


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Wednesday, June 03, 2009

So-Called Pro-Life


I was distracted by Dr. George Tiller’s eyeglasses when I saw his video clips on the news, after an anti-abortion zealot in Wichita gunned him down. Coke-bottle glasses, I think they’re called. As thick as the glass in any major aquarium.

It occurred to me that a man with poor vision would learn to use his other senses, as a way to compensate for his failing eyesight. Aural perception would self-correct to enhance sound, and the capacity to listen would become a vital necessity. Our ability to hear is the last sense to go, and is perhaps one of our strongest physiological allies. I have no doubt that Dr. Tiller learned how to distinguish noise from information in his daily life.

Dr. Tiller provided abortions - late-term abortions - to women who needed them. I have never needed one, and I don’t know why Dr. Tiller’s patients needed late-term abortions because it is none of my business. What I know is that Dr. Tiller performed a lawful procedure that often saves lives. For this a madman who, ironically enough, claimed to be “pro-life” shot him to death.

The pro-life movement in the US has a history of providing safe haven to violent extremists for years. While these personality types are not a rule within the pro-life movement, they are no exception. When the pro-life movement condemns the acts of brutal activists within their group, they do so with fingers crossed behind their backs. They forget that God is watching them, too.


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Monday, June 01, 2009

Nigerian Widow Has A Unique Business Proposal


Sender: mojo_po@yahoo.com
Subject: Business Opportunity

My name is Mojopo, widow of the late head of state, Mr. Mojopo. After he mysteriously died as a result of cardiac arrest during our afternoon expression of martial love (which we had enjoyed many times before without tragic surprise), our lawyer, Joel Lowenstein, informed me that my husband (who at the time was president of Nigeria), called him last week and showed him five metal boxes containing foreign currency. Mr. Lowenstein is under the distinct impression that those boxes are for FedEx, to be sent to my late husband’s business partner for investment purposes. Probably something to benefit blind and crippled orphans.

Since my husband’s death, the Nigerian government has frozen our bank accounts and stole our cars! I can’t buy anything or go anywhere. I have to borrow cans of tuna fish from my neighbors just to have something in my stomach when I go hitchhiking to the dialysis clinic. Sometimes the Nigerians come by late at night to molest my animals, too, but they always listen to all of my phone calls. I know because I can hear one of the wiretappers watching Susan Boyle on YouTube and crying. What do they want? They want my late husband’s metal boxes full of money. We are worth at least $120,000,000,000,000, and now you understand why they are sodomizing my Portuguese Water Dog, Mojobo, to find the location of the foreign currency.

I am asking you in a very sincere manner for your help, as a responsible woman worth more money than God has to spend. I trust you because I Googled your name and read all of your comments on the tech support forum for plus-sized women’s apparel. You seem like a good person who will not sit on a profitable business opportunity!

Psst – come closer. I am going to whisper:
I have managed to get the five metal boxes out of Nigeria by stowing them in Mr. Lowenstein’s generous rear end. I pray, on my knees, that a good person such as yourself will help me transfer this money out of Mr. Lowenstein and into your country. Each of these boxes is full of cold hard cash worth a bazillion dollars each. If you can get this money transferred, I’ll share of a percentage of the wealth with you. On the real.
Please contact me confidentially through this website to assist my family.

Thanks, and warmest regards.

Yours Truly,
Mojopo

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