Subject: Business Opportunity
My name is Mojopo, widow of the late head of state, Mr. Mojopo. After he mysteriously died as a result of cardiac arrest during our afternoon expression of martial love (which we had enjoyed many times before without tragic surprise), our lawyer, Joel Lowenstein, informed me that my husband (who at the time was president of Nigeria), called him last week and showed him five metal boxes containing foreign currency. Mr. Lowenstein is under the distinct impression that those boxes are for FedEx, to be sent to my late husband’s business partner for investment purposes. Probably something to benefit blind and crippled orphans.
Since my husband’s death, the Nigerian government has frozen our bank accounts and stole our cars! I can’t buy anything or go anywhere. I have to borrow cans of tuna fish from my neighbors just to have something in my stomach when I go hitchhiking to the dialysis clinic. Sometimes the Nigerians come by late at night to molest my animals, too, but they always listen to all of my phone calls. I know because I can hear one of the wiretappers watching Susan Boyle on YouTube and crying. What do they want? They want my late husband’s metal boxes full of money. We are worth at least $120,000,000,000,000, and now you understand why they are sodomizing my Portuguese Water Dog, Mojobo, to find the location of the foreign currency.
I am asking you in a very sincere manner for your help, as a responsible woman worth more money than God has to spend. I trust you because I Googled your name and read all of your comments on the tech support forum for plus-sized women’s apparel. You seem like a good person who will not sit on a profitable business opportunity!
Psst – come closer. I am going to whisper:
I have managed to get the five metal boxes out of Nigeria by stowing them in Mr. Lowenstein’s generous rear end. I pray, on my knees, that a good person such as yourself will help me transfer this money out of Mr. Lowenstein and into your country. Each of these boxes is full of cold hard cash worth a bazillion dollars each. If you can get this money transferred, I’ll share of a percentage of the wealth with you. On the real.Please contact me confidentially through this website to assist my family.
Thanks, and warmest regards.