Thursday, July 16, 2009

Here I Go Again...

Mojopost is traveling east to see Mom. At Mom's house, we will enjoy biscuits and gravy, fresh produce and maybe even some fishing. We will return in about two weeks, give or take a day.

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Please note that I will not be able to participate in the following activities while visiting Mom:

  • Fist fighting
  • Hard drinking
  • Drive-by shootings
  • Exposing myself to the neighbors
Even so, I think we can have a great time! Bears moved in up the road - sitting outside at night should be exciting.

See you soon!

P.S.: Please help yourself to the tomatoes in my absence.

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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Wise Latina Festival 2009

Welcome to Day 45 of the Wise Latina Festival! Wise Latina organizers would like to thank members of the Republican Wise Latina Fan Club for promoting Wise Latinas every 30 minutes, with the exception of lunch breaks and extramarital affairs. I would like to nominate Sen. John Cornyn of Texas for Miss Wise Latina 2009. The winner of this crown will be entitled to wear Sonia Sotomayor as a hat for an entire year.

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Over the past 45 days I have enjoyed a variety of wise Latina products. Half baked, steamed, battered and fried.

At first I didn’t understand Republican’s fascination with the subject. Then I got aggravated because it kept coming up. Like many people, I came to the conclusion that it would be a good idea to connect a copper wire to my car battery and bite down as hard as I could. When the embers of my former self were extinguished, I realized that the Wise Latina Litmus Test is really the only test that matters when selecting a Supreme Court nominee.

This is my life now. I have decided to stay on with the festival and travel to cities near you, where the lot of us will sleep in tents and think of new ways to ask the same old questions. If anyone would like to stage an intervention, I don’t think it’s too late.

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Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Nurse Sonia and The Doddering Old Fool

I'm watching Sen. Jeff Sessions of Alabama grilling Supreme Court Justice nominee Sonia Sotomayor. One thing to keep in mind about Jeff is that he's a smoking anus. Not kind of, is. I don't mean that he smokes, but I do mean that his mouth is an ass and his head is full of gas. When he speaks you can smell it.

You have to understand - Jeff Sessions could not become a federal judge in 1986 because it was determined that he harbored "gross racial insensitivity" towards African-Americans. That's a nice way of saying "Jeff loved him some KKK." How ironic is it that this fathead is parsing the definition of "impartiality" and "prejudice" with a Latin woman?

Sonia is trying to explain to Jeff that he is taking her comments out of context. No matter how many times she explains herself, Jeff can’t wrap his mind around it. He sounds like an Alzheimer's patient who is angry at his shoelaces, and she looks like the nurse who is trying to find him some Velcro fasteners. It takes patience.

One other thing: Every time Jeff time says Puerto Rican, it sounds like "porto reecan". It's on my last nerve.

Oh great. Here comes Sen. Orrin Hatch. Is it time for Bingo and a stool softener yet?

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