Thursday, September 03, 2009

Speech Imp-p-p-p-pediment

This is an example of my dreams on Chantix, a medication I'm taking to help me quit smoking. Side effects of Chantix include unusual dreams. My dreams are more focused than the video shown, and as vivid and disturbing as advertised.

Last night's sleep had me living at cellular level, and I was receiving take-out sandwiches consisting of live kittens in mayo.

The night before? It was an all-night argument with family members. Each time I was on the cusp of delivering the best fix-your-ass statement in the history of ever, I woke up. No, worse than that. I woke up to go poop several times, plus my comeuppance denied.

I have all kinds of free space available in my lungs these days. What kind of trick is that? Anyone can breathe in and out. Back in the day I could fill my lungs with two packs of cigarettes and wrap my mouth around an exhaust pipe just to show off. Now what?

I've been adding up the do not's and no more's in my life. No smoking, don't stay up so late, don't drink too many martinis on Fridays... On my horizon is a disturbing sense of normalcy and health. What do I have left? HINT: It's the first tool I ever put in my box.

I'm not right in the head, that's what. I will cling to this one thing for the rest of my life. If you want my crazy, you're going to have to pull it out of my cold, dead head.

God bless us, and especially me!

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Your friend, Rusty said...

Nice job on the no smoking thing. As I recall, the first three weeks you feel like crap and you wonder, WTF I should feel better not worse.

"It's the first tool I ever put in my box." Are there two metaphors in that sentence?

Speedy said...

Hahaha!! I thought the same about the tools statement. Hang in there Mojo. You doin' good kiddo!! :D

Mojopo said...

One metaphor per sentence. Unless I add the winky. You know, that ;-) thing.

Hay, what is this? (see below)


anony tu said...

That is a semi-erect penis either peeing or ejaculating. I'd say peeing as it would be very unusual for a penis that is not fully erect to ejaculate.
Glad to be of help.

a.t. said...

Wait! I forget you're supposed to look at these things sideways. In that case, maybe it IS erect, in which case it must be ejaculating as it'd be very unusual for an erect penis to be peeing.
Anything else you'd like to know about penises? Feel free to ask.

High Cost of Living said...

Those poor kittens... ;)