Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Ka-Ching: Patti Blagojevich Would Do Anything For Cash Money

Ladies and gentlemen, Mojopost thanks you for your patience. We’ve been experiencing technical difficulties so severe that Comcast has generously agreed to credit us for two days of service. Apparently, someone forgot to tell the Midwestern storms that I’ve got a blog to run. My goodness, I even missed Patti Blagojevich bawling her eyes out on I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here!



No, of course I don’t watch that show. Well, only when Blago’s wife is eating bait for money. Times are hard for the Blago family. Last year they were (expletive) golden. And now look at them! Patti B. is in the jungle and she gets paid per rat bite. Hard times for sure! Hee hee hee…

While I’m thinking of I’m A Celebrity… can anyone explain to me how and why Spencer and Heidi Pratt (aka Speidi) became famous? Her voice reminds me of food processor full of whistles (fun story for another day). And him? Spencer Pratt is merely pebble in my bowl. I will flush him later when something more important happens or company comes by. I hope Patti B. eats Speidi when she runs out of rice and beans.

Poor Patti B. She has been so careful to avoid swearing and has not bribed any of her fellow contestants with the promise of a seat in the Illinois senate. I find myself liking her almost, because she has the doofiest bathing suit. It takes guts to go on live TV in that get-up with a mouthful of tarantula. Although I should note that Patti B.’s fellow contestant is Janice Dickinson, an aging psycho/supermodel, who keeps stealing everyone’s combs and underwear for her own use. Next to Janice, that guy on the El with Tourette's syndrome is going to seem quaint. Patti B. needs a better yardstick than Janice Dickinson to measure social acceptance.

Blagojevich eats a spider in reality debut
Blagojevich eats a spider in reality debut


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8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I would watch that show if I could propose who's a celebrity.

Nice to see you back, MJ!

LV

Mojopo said...

LV, that's a great idea! Which people, alive or dead, would you like to see competing against each other on a reality show? We need to think this one through...

Anonymous said...

what about Hugo Chavez, Ahmadinedschad and Putin to start?

LV

anony tu said...

See, I don't even watch t.v. and this post is interesting to me! I doubt I'll watch BUT the post makes me want to IMAGINE the show even harder. For instance, I haven't the slightest idea why Patti Blagowuzzit would be eating spiders, but I have no problem imagining her as having poisonous mandibles, an ectoskeleton, eight hairy legs, and a huge abdomen with an hourglass design on it, in which case she'd be a blackwidow eating her babies. Am I close?

anony tu said...

So, now it's time for me and Scrotch to rate THIS Mojopost.

Dammit! One of the things I hate about rating these posts -- I am sure some of the readers at Mojopost anticipate that I will always award Ms Po's posts a rating of 10, and are wondering, then, why do I bother. What's more, I know some cynics are bound to doubt my credibility as a rater. Which is to say they believe my ratings are "arranged". Listen, like each and every one of you, sure, I've spent days staring transfixed at the lovely Ms Po's avatar. I am not oblivious to the beauty of her countenance. I see that she is amply endowed with womanly attributes, especially since I am not at all gay. Sure, if she offered me I'd take a roll in the hay. I'd take a palm greasing as well. It wouldn't even take a large palm greasing. Heck, I can be bribed with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon from Arby's. But in the case of Ms Po, all of that is moot! Listen, I rate posts at no less than 130 blogs a day as a professional rater, and I rarely award 10's. Hardly ever. You wouldn't believe the rigid standards the American Blog Association holds me to. You think I'm worried about getting fired because I always award Ms po's posts a ten? Let me tell you something -- If I were to award her posts anything less than 10, I WOULD be fired, because it would mean I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

But, I DO. 10!

Speedy said...

I think the Blagos will do anything to stay in the spotlight. It's pathetic.... Glad you're up and running again Ms. Mojo!!

Mojopo said...

WHOOOO! Thank God for Photoshop! WHEEEE...

Minnie-sota said...

I watched a couple of episodes of that celebrity show, just because...just because I like dumb reality shows...and found that I liked Patti Blagojevich. Go figure. Also, I figured her husband probably doesn't deserve her.