Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Don't Start None, Won't Be None: A satircal treatise about the merits of pacifism

Please don't kill anyone today. The world out there is full of meat cleavers and people who hate college students, therefore I must ask you to tread carefully.

For anyone who is contemplating an act of violence, please defecate on something instead. Poop in a washing machine at a coin operated laundromat. That's rude - can you live with rude instead of homicide?

If you must kill someone, at least have the class do it slowly by feeding them bacon and heavy whipping cream daily. Encourage that person to take up smoking. Introduce them to crystal meth.

Check out THOSE results!

What will you do instead of murder? If you absolutely must cause harm to someone, here are some suggestions:

1. Throw a pie.

2. Enroll enemy combatants into a mail-order music club.

3. Have a sexual relationship with your enemy. Move in.

Surely you can bring some order to this chaotic world? Please, if at all possible, do not smack anyone. Thank you, and have a happy day!

1 comment:

Mojopo said...

This post has received almost 10,000 hits. I don't get it, but thank you!