Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Parky's: Where Hot Dogs Go To Die

Parky's Hot Dogs
329 Harlem Ave
Forest Park, IL 60130-1607
Phone: (708) 366-3090

Looking for the best hot dog in America? I know exactly where not to go. Parky's Hot Dogs provides the worst hot dogs in Chicago, in the history of ever. This hot dog has left me with more than ennui but less than Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Further, I am not well and I believe it is their fault.

It could have been the almost-warmed (yet raw) hot dog that causes me so much discomfort. Maybe it was the French Fries? I bet those things were really good the first time they were cooked. The fries Parky's serves to the public have been cooked to the point of despair and contempt, the end result of oil-burning a French Fry in effigy. Why would someone do that to a harmless potato? What kind of criminal mind cooked up this evil plot?

Parky's is a place one could purchase lunch for their enemies. Our government could destroy Al-Qaeda if we could just get them to eat Parky's food. We could equip ginormous American bombers with Parky’s hot dogs and and end the war immediately. All will crumble in Parky's wake.

I’m going to call Homeland Security on Monday morning and ask them to send Parky’s to Iraq so that our soldiers can come home. Anything for peace, man. Anything.

No comments: