Friday, September 05, 2008

I Waited Four Years For This

My television set survived the Republican nation convention. Things were a little sketchy last night, but I managed not to take my trusty metal baseball bat to the TV, thus rendering my valuable source of entertainment into an ash and sparks. Oh, but I wanted to.

I put myself through this every four years. I am a lapsed Southern Baptist and every now and then I feel like I have to endure something I hate to get right with my maker. I'm so right with God at this very moment that I could break into a hymn, something like "I'll Have A New Body" or "I'll Fly Away". I feel enlightened and changed. Miracles are happening in my condo - I just turned an empty glass into a vessel of inexpensive table wine. Past the lips and over the gums, look out stomach - here it comes! Amen.

Fred Thompson was a highlight of the convention, which might be one of the saddest things I've ever written. Oh sure, that Sarah Palin was a real barnburner, but did you see Tom Ridge? Me neither. I left the room to paint my toes. Today was a Pink Alert, by OPI.

There might be a handful or two of Independents and fence sitters who will consider voting for Grampy McHero after this long, tedious, vapid, hypocritical and unspectacular event. I wish them well.

The only thing I'm going to remember is that someone, who I won't name, tried to hide something important about her personal life by draping her daughter with a baby blanket and a loose-fitting black dress. It just doesn't get any colder in Alaska than that.


Your friend, Rusty said...

Summary of Grampy's speech:

I was a POW.
Republicans suck.
Obama sucks.
Forget I've been in Washington since the 80's and pretend I'm the new guy; vote for me.
I was a POW.

Minnie-sota said...

Mojo, your label "Worst Convention in the History of Ever" is cracking me up!

Rusty, he was right about "Republican's suck." Hah.

Mojopo said...

They wish they could suck.