Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Underpants Bomber: Umar and the Angry Inch

I had the flu once, and I had to throw out my mattress. Now I see how lucky I really am.

Umar the Underpants Bomber most likely burned his wiener off, but no one has said so. I can’t imagine he didn’t. We’re going to have to pay for his penis reconstruction, aren't we? I mean - we can’t just let it hang there. I wish Janet Napolitano could explain more.

This whole thing worries me. Not the terror part, because we can’t control extremists. It’s a fact we live with. No, what worries me is that some jerk is going to start packing tampons with plastic explosives. The fuse is already there! Or, what about a maxi-pad? You’ve seen the commercials – they can hold ten times their own weight of blue liquid. Plus, some brands have wings! If the terrorists ever get a clue about menstruation products, we are doomed.

Now what? Am I going to have to surrender my feminine hygiene products to the TSA? Those plastic bins are going to be full of mighty hell, is what I am saying, and I don’t care for it one bit.

First they came for your shoes. Then they came for your underwear. Dear Lord, do not let me stand still when they come back for my heavy-days.

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Speedy said...

It's all too amazing Mojo for sure. Who would stuff explosives in their underpants with possible weiner mutilation??? I'm dumbfounded!!!

Mojopo said...

He did not care for his wiener, I think.

Anonymous said...

teste, teste

uh, I mean

testing, testing

jim said...

he really wanted to warm it up for the virgins but it got to hot

James said...

I prefer the appellation "Christmas Taint Bomber," myself. But those drawers? BURNT.

Mojopo said...

You're right, he kind of torched the runway. Owie!

PapaPig said...

You would think he would still need it for the 19 virgins waiting on him.

Granny Annie said...

Funniest blog line ever: "Dear Lord, do not let me stand still when they come back for my heavy-days."

Shermeen said...

Hotdogs from Costco are the best! The only way to get an almost decent hotdog in my town!
I used to travel between the UK and US quite often, but now that my husband is here I don't. When we move to America, I'll start travelling again so I can visit my family in the UK. Honestly I wouldn't care if they kept my tampons, these terrorists are getting more and more creative.
Not that I don't see the humour in your post, I do. But like you said, terrorism is a fact we have to live with and its a concerning one! xx