Why So Crabby?

Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of crabby people grouching and complaining all around me. If I go on the Internet, message boards seem to be having a massive PMS-a-thon – males included. When I read the news, Nancy Pelosi is telling George Bush to chill, and he’s telling her to get a grip. Iran and the UK are engaged in a deadly game of "did so/did not" while the lives of hostages hang in the balance. On smaller scale, the cashier at the grocery store sneered at me yesterday when I asked where I could find charcoal briquettes for my grill. “Hmpf. I wish I had time off to grill.” What do I say to that? I’m sorry? Even the rats on my patio are crabby. They dragged their rat bait condos into my walking path and flipped me the bird last night when I was making hamburgers.

I even found this cranky cat on YouTube. I think this is cat-speak for, “Don’t tape me, a-hole!” Get it?


I can’t blame the month of April. It’s still a young month. It must not be March’s fault, either, because people were all pissy about things then, too. In February, a shit-faced off-duty police officer assaulted a young female bartender when she refused to serve him another drink, right here in Chicago. What about January? Credit card bills came due for December holiday purchases. It’s been The Winter Of Our Discontent for months now. If people don’t knock it off soon, I am afraid we’re likely to start driving nails into the ends of sticks to beat each other with at random intervals. Something has got to give!

I really don’t know how to change the mood. While so many people are feeling sensitive, I have instead become apathetic. Normally, I’m all for a round of good times and fun. And I’m eager to debate a point I feel strongly about. Not lately, though. I’ve been in a “I don’t give a shit, and screw you people anyway” mood. That’s hard for me to admit, because I don’t like being Debbie Downer. I’m a woman – we fake things. Orgasms, delight and surprise. We especially fake surprise if someone tells us gossip we’ve already heard, but were not supposed to know. “She screwed so-and-so, and then got herpes? On her FACE? I had NO idea!” Something like that.

While I am feigning smiles and mustering a good attitude in spite of myself, it’s not working. I don’t know if it’s because I’m fed the hell up with all the crabby people, or if I’m just bored.


I can’t save the world from discontent today, but I’d like to know how to shake off the doldrums. I’ve tried music, food, and even turned to cheerful glasses of alcohol. I force myself to read opinions from people I would never agree with, with the intention of mustering a raging torrent of righteous indignation. I walk. I get outside. I volunteer. I know I’m not getting enough sleep, but that Ambien stuff made me do some very weird things. I must shake this off. It’s cramping my funny bone.

If anyone has suggestions, post ‘em here. If you have a solution for crabby people, tell me about it. Feel free to vent here, as needed, so that you can reserve your energy for faking happiness in real life, too. If you know how to get me out of my blue funk, have at it!