Monday, November 24, 2008
Turkey Leftovers – Sandwich Ideas And Never-ending Happiness
Hello, Pilgrims. On Thursday, Thanksgiving Day in the US, this Costco Butterball turkey – more than 11 lbs. at a cost of $11.63 - will defy human perception and evolve to the next level of deliciousness. There is no looking back from here. Arise ye sticks of butter, fruits, vegetables, wine and savory herbs – behold the turkey of your tomorrow!
Today’s blog is about our world post-Turkey Day. What to do with leftovers? Oh, we are so lucky! We are five steps ahead because I have a PhD in leftovers, with an emphasis on holiday fare.
Turkey Crisps are a brilliant invention – part salvation, part sin. All you have to do is grab an oven pan, some foil and broil strips of leftover turkey skin in olive oil, salt to taste and a dash of black pepper. Brown the strips into crispy things, like they’re tanning in Florida with their girlfriend (her name is Bacon). Be thorough. Remember to turn the strips as they broil, to make sure they’re cooked evenly. Start the oven at 425 degrees and take your time. Word to the wise - if you burn the crisps, you will never be complete as a person. Fat and sodium content? I’m sorry, but I don’t bow to any dieting clubs and so I have no idea what you’re talking about. Turkey Crisps are great as a snack or on sandwiches. Mmmmm. Love.
My favorite post-Turkey Day guilty pleasure is a breakfast sandwich. I toast cheap white bread, paint it with ketchup and throw some nuked turkey chunks on top. Press the slices of bread together, slice and serve. Genius. My sister, Rose, taught me this one. I was 5 and I never forgot. Sometimes I throw a few Turkey Crisps on this bad boy. I need to make sure that I have enough trans-fat in my backbone to finish plowing the back 40.
Want to know the meaning the life? Try a French bread sandwich with cranberry relish, roasted turkey, lettuce and Brie.
If you aspire to reach a higher plane of soul-knowledge have this for lunch: Sandwich bread, mayonnaise, a splash of brown mustard, turkey, Turkey Crisps, fresh sliced tomatoes, and lettuce (with more mayo on top, plus salt and pepper). Stack the sandwich as prescribed. Cheese is optional. Cheddar works. Extra sharp.
If ever you need to make your sandwich moist soak a slice of bread in warmed, leftover gravy and place it in the middle of your sandwich. This is the stealthiest, oldest trick in the book. It’s sloppy all right. Better get a hand-towel and tuck it under your neck.
Lord, please don’t take me before I eat one more of these sandwiches!
If you have any questions or need Thanksgiving Day ideas, you can reach me at email@example.com. If I can help, I will.