If an alien took a photograph of the Milky Way you and I would best be viewed in a microscope. Feeling small? Don’t, it would be a mistake. Cheer for the alien who had the inspiration to look closer. That person is going to help you make this life matter.
Yesterday I tried to write a blog about news I had missed while I was out of town. I never felt what I was writing because my mind has been settled on Olcott Beach and my father dying. I had this crazy idea that I should try and type something mainstream-ish in order to be a part of the on-line community. Like I used to. Much of my work is based on improvisation so I tried to react to the present. I’ve heard that it is important for grieving people to get back on track but I can tell you for certain that this process has a mind of its own and little regard for timetables and blog traffic.
The truth is that I want to wave at the alien with the microscope. Something important has happened in my life and I am eager to connect with other people. My experience is not unique; we’ve all been through things so why not go through it together? However, I have learned that everyone has an exclusive story that the big picture fails to show. We are as rare as our own fingerprints and not everyone has the time or patience for a better look. I’m making more time because I know better now.
If you’re wondering where I am going with this it has to do with torture. As many of you know, the US government has tortured some of the men accused of masterminding 9/11. This revelation has affected me.
I know what it is like to see a parent tortured and I can’t forgive my father’s doctor or his disease. I doubt I ever will. Likewise, those men in jail (as awful as they were) probably have children who will remember the inhumanity their parent endured. Torture perpetuates hatred. Real hatred, always echoing and violet in color, feels impossible to eliminate. For that reason alone I know that torture is never correct. Torture deflects humanity. It overcomes reasoning.
Compel yourself to take a closer look at the world. Decide that there are better ways to do things.
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16 comments:
I feel your pain and I'm sorry your father died. So did my own four years ago. Grief is a strange thing, a uniquely personal emotion, and something that knows no time but its own and no style but your own. If we were all replacable, or even disposable, we wouldn't have the empty spaces in our lives left behind by the people we loved - spaces that to some extent or another are never truly filled again.
But in a sense, parents, long-gone friends, or anyone else we cared about who died and left us grieving behind have never truly gone away, so long as we remember - who they were, and how they affected us, changed us and even - made us. Your father has died, but he is still very much here - in you and with you, every day of your life, and every time you remember.
I believe you're right when you state that there are better ways of achieving information than torture, and the fact that it still takes place even in so-called "civilized" (I use that term advisedly) countries doesn't do those countries - or by extension, us - any credit whatsoever.
Take your time, Mojo - to do whatever you have to do. Just know that some us will still be around, curious as to what you'll write about next!
Tarleisio - thank you. That was a brilliant post and you're right. What a gift.
Psst - a special message is in order for Speedy. Girl, I read all your notes and links, and you brought a tear to my eye. Thank you for being so compassionate. Hit me up on e-mail someday so that I can respond properly.
Sometimes it takes a little while to feel the comfort of the saddle again. Being out of the loop is OK too.... but I'm glad your here.
Don't get me started on torture.... what I really want to see is Cheney getting butt fucked with a Louisville slugger on CNN. And no... I don't consider that torture.
Thank you for all your kindness. You can really tell the merit of a person when a crisis hits and they still think about others instead of themselves. Take your time to grieve, keep writing, you have such and extraordanary talent for it! And Tarleisio is so right!!! Your Dad lives within you every day when you think of him and smile or when you tell someone about something he used to do. You have so many people who absolutely adore you including me!! You truly are a blessed woman MJP!! =)
Now for the torture thing.... I think gaining information that way is bringing yourself and the country down to the lowest common denominator. We're supposed to be morally better than our enemies. So, I feel uncomfortable with the Bush Administrations tacticts. It makes me feel dirty. Yes, I know it saved lives. But at what cost?
The torture perpetrated by our government gained no further information nor insight, and it placed us at a disadvantage in negotiations with other countries. Who are we to vilify human rights violations (of only the countries that we feel we can speak out against, not China) if we are placing human beings in prisons with no thought to following the rules we are trying to push on others? We need to walk the walk. We need to stop building detainment camps in the US. We need to stop the torture.
We didn't learn any more by torture. I was done for revenge and that makes it double wrong.
If you beat someone senseless they will say anything for you to stop.
If you give them a joint and a beer, soon they will spill their guts.
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Mojo tarleisio said what I was trying to say over on OTB. That the greiving is so personal it different for everyone. And my experience it's not the same every time for everyone you loose.
For me, odd as it may sound condolences only make me feel worse. The first few days they are appreciated letting me know people are concerned, or just empathetic. I appreciate that.
But when someone asks weeks, months later and my personal grieving has not stopped though it might not show, it bothers me. I then avoid the person that keeps asking me, "Are you Ok?"
If I show outward signs of depression, that is a valid question. But when it's the normal grieving that just takes time, after few weeks it becomes very personal. There is something I can't explain, why being asked over and over how it's going in a grieving process irritates me to no end. Maybe someone can shed light on this but my best explanation is at that point it is so personal, I feel my space is invaded.
Maybe I am wrong, or maybe it's just the way this Pig is wired.
Comments welcome, as understanding deep grief I think is much more helpful to get through it than all the hope you feels betters are after the initial event has passed.
If we were snakes or lizards, we would have to shed our skins on a regular basis. When it came time to shed them, our eyes would be foggy and we'd be all itchy and uncomfortable, but when we finally got them shed, we'd be like "oooo, aaaahhhh," and we'd be grateful. But reptiles have it easy compared to us when it comes to shedding, yes?
I give THIS Mojopost a ten because I love them Mojoposts as much as I love loose fitting shoes.
It's funny you mention that because my skin has been as dry as a popcorn fart for the past month. I swear to God it's because I miss the anti-bacterial lotions in my father's room (cleanses without drying). If one is going to spend a few months at a hospital visiting a relative, you want anti-bacterial action.
I should have filled some of the rubber gloves in the room with that stuff and put it in my suitcase. Coulda shoulda woulda.
The thing about shedding is that we can't just throw away the old skin. It was ours and it meant something. Give it a couple of shakes, pick off the lint and viola - it's ready for regifting, Goodwill or could be memorialized in a nice vinyl cover.
Anony - I wish I could have kept up with your posts here in real time. That would have been brilliant! I'm going to buy each and every one of those posts a nice pair of socks.
Thank you for those.
I don't know for sure if it's public bloggery, but I've got a livejournal pal who shares your feelings on torture - coming from the perspective of a guy serving with military intelligence in Iraq. Worth the reads:
http://pecunium.livejournal.com/397384.html
http://pecunium.livejournal.com/398591.html
Mojo, you're my sweetheart. Now, put down them martini juices and come do your thing. Whenever you're ready, that is. Take your time. I'll wait. Luffs me some Mojopost.
No new Mojopost? It's okay. I'll reread this one. It's just that good.
Yes, my blogging is meant for public blogging.
Thanks for spreading the word.
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