Thursday, July 02, 2009

Moby Prick

Ug. I don’t even want to bring this up in a family-oriented blog but I must. I need to vent about my neighborhood non-bathing, muttering, crazy/scary guy who was playing with his bits and pieces at the bus stop the other day. We will call him Moby Prick.

There I was, traveling in my car with goodwill ambassadors from another country. At the stoplight on the corner, Moby Prick was sitting on a bench inside of a bus shelter staring painfully, with animal longing, at a young lady seated to his left. She may have been 16 years old – maybe less. This could have been like any other day except for the fact that Moby was manipulating his region, which was fully extended inside of his filthy sweatpants. It was rather obvious that he was setting up things for display, to catch the attention of the young lady.

I don’t know how she kept her eyes fixed on the CVS sign across the street because the thing in Moby’s hand was epic. Like a monster! And what did I do? I split when the light changed.

I’ve gone over a few heroic, righteous should-have scenarios in my head because I lost an opportunity when it presented itself. I’m mad that I didn’t do anything constructive the other day to help the girl at the bus stop. Moby Prick escaped and I am Ishmael.

What would you have done differently? I’m sorry, but I just don’t see me calling 911 to report a homeless erection. If I see this guy again, and that is likely because he lives at that bus stop, is there something I can do when he Queequeg’s his harpoon?

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Barbara said...

You know, I was in the exact same situation (at the same bus stop) just a few days ago... the only difference is that a really big guy decided to sit in between Moby Prick and the young lady... so end of the story, he had to control himself. And let me tell you, he was not happy...

Tipsy said...

Who is Captain Ahab here?

If it is you, Mojo, then your fate is sealed. You must go down with the ship...or bus stop (the bus stop is a metaphor for the soul). Ergo, you will lose a leg and then your soul.

On the other hand, you could roll tape. Cable news networks are paying big dollars for video of sexual predators. Catch a Prick.

Speedy said...

Great idea!!! Call cable news so they can stake out the bus stop. I don't think there's much you can do Mojo. He seems to enjoy exposing himself to women so even if you stop and throw a hissy fit it's probably encouragement to him... Perhaps there's a church next to the bus stop that he could frequent instead. =)

Mojopo said...

Hi, Barbara! I bet it was the same guy. He's tall, carries a bowling bag, hair like Don King but not as high? He's clever though, because he pulls this stuff (er--) on women who are trying to get somewhere, who don't have the time or energy to react.

Hello, Tipsy! How's about I buy a Big Gulp full of ice water and go tsunami on his dirty head? Tempting, but I've read that beverages - when used as alarms - tend to excite The Crazy. I'll think over the camera idea and get er done.

I can't be the only one who noticed him, can I?

PapaPig said...

You crash your car into the bus stop, killing both of them. She keeps her virginity and the world is rid of Moby Prick....

Ok, I was in a sick pup mood. sorry! no not sorry, weird mood.