Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Mojopoll: Life's A Beach

The results from the last Mojopoll (What is your favorite time of day?) indicate chronic insomnia. Me too! At night I can turn off my filters and contaminate the Interwebs in peace. However, I also enjoy mornings because I don’t need much sleep. Like you, I am uncommunicative until I have coffee and the resulting bowel movement, but after that we can be friends again.

The new poll (on the right) was inspired by a moron practicing Kung Phooey at the Indiana Dunes on Sunday. I’m going to call him Chi Chi the Cheetah, which may or may not mean he is directly related to this hot mess on Wikipedia.

Black belt? Are you shitting me?

Chi Chi was working on his martial arts moves at the beach with props that included his Okinawan kobud weapons (nunchucks, as they say in junior high school), some knives and daggers. If he was any good I might have tipped him a fiver, but Chi Chi was all thumbs. He was smacking himself in the head, dropping stuff and tripping. The lifeguards were not concerned but – gee – I was. I’m weird like that, when clumsy poopheads are running full-tilt-boogie with sharp objects in their hands, while little babies are trying to build sandcastles.

Obviously, I had to take a picture. Chi Chi hissed at me, but the other guy on Wikipedia says he likes audiences. On a related vanity website, you can view videos.

After the photo op, I asked a park cop if nunchucks and daggers were allowed on the beach. “Absolutely not!” she said. I pointed to Chi Chi and, eventually, a big fat park cop came by in a go-cart to shoo him away.

According to Wiki some people feel it is important to be a “...freedom fighter who fights for the freedom of expression when and where the audience exists.” If he keeps throwing freedom around like that someone is going to lose an eye!

I don’t know what is wrong with me. I never woke up one day and thought about working on my Black Mamba death squad moves on the shores of Lake Michigan. Usually I just bring snacks and tanning lotion.

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Anonymous said...

Before I answer the new poll, I must know: are we also considering nudist beaches? Beach balls?


Speedy said...

Sounds like the retarded cousin of that Tony the Tiger guy. Maybe he just needed an audience to show off his goods or lack there of. What a nunchuck!! I also find it disconcerting when idiots are throwing knives and shooting around small children.. What do we know!!!

Mojopo said...

Speedy, how do you know about Tony the Tiger? Do tell. :-)

Yvette said...

Oh Chichi, where have you been all my life? I've long felt the need to watch martial arts while applying lotion and now my life is complete. Pay no mind to that Mojopo person staring at you in disbelief. I am a woman who knows how to appreciate baggy white pants and a bare midriff and you are now mine!

Mojopo said...

Do you, or do you not LOVE his MC Hammer sweatpants?

Your friend, Rusty said...

I am completely biased, but I think his only mistake was forgetting to bring along a broad sword.

Which beach was it? I live in California, but I still mess Chicago beaches and Lake Michigan.

Mojopo said...

Exactly, Rusty. If one is going to act like Xena at the beach, have the decency to bring a damn sword!

It was Miller Beach, which I think is also known as West Beach. I go there because it's less crowded, usually, but it was jammed on Sunday. I would LOVE to build a house in that area.

Mojopo said...

Oh look! Here is Chi Chi's Christmas video, with nunchucks. I cannot bear the awesomeness alone, please share it with me!


anony tu said...

Sure, we're the land of the free. But, remember, we are also the home of the brave. In order to face danger, we must become dangerous ourselves.

Obviously, Ms Po has become lax in the maintenance of her own killing techniques and resents Mr. Chi's reminder of this. I see it happening all over America. People have simply forgotten how important it is to remain lethal.

Personally, I have honed my own killing technique to suit my lifestyle completely. I carry a bottle of high octane scotch and a box of matches everywhere I go. I always leave enough scotch in the bottle to start a good fire should I need to (which is exactly how John Cussack got out of that awful room in 1408.)

Mojo, Chi Chi is on a quest to find his lethal identity. Sure, he'll make mistakes. However, as Americans, we should encourage and not criticize our young people as they takes their individual paths toward freedom. And bravery. Why do you hate America?

Anonymous said...

anony, that's the best speech about us americans freedom i've ever heard!


Mojopo said...

Dear God, why do you smite me with clever replies just before I go to sleep? Totally not fair. I cannot debunk socialist myths or proudly display my disdain for weapons at state parks when dawn is on the horizon.

This whole mess is fuckery and smoke, and Imma get ripe on this pinko crap first thing in the morning. Yes, I guess I DO hate our freedoms. YAY, we LOVE radicalism!

Anonymous said...

yay! either we LOVE or HATE! but nothing in between!


Minnie-sota said...

Where there any hot chicks at the beach? I mean besides you.

anony tu said...

When Mojo goes to the beach, all the other hot chicks clear out, Minnie. They know all eyes will be on Mojo, so they go somewhere else. Mojo is more than hot. She is molten. I'm proud to be her bitch.

anony tu said...

PS -- Does Chi Chi know that ninjas do NOT wear sunvisers?