Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Hero Of 2008: Master Legend

No, I’m not going to roll back 2008 and sing about change with my unicorn riding President-elect. I’ve had my fun and now I’d like to think about tomorrow. One man comes to mind when I think of a better world, and his name is Master Legend. I read about him in Rolling Stone magazine, and it seems to me that it’s high time to build someone up instead of tearing someone else down. Read the article and get back to me. It’s worth the time.

Once upon a time in New Orleans, there was a young boy who became a superhero when he triumphed against evil and beat the bloody pulp out of his abusive father. On that day, Master Legend came to be and learned how to use his special powers for justice, in the name of dignity. Master Legend prefers peaceful resolutions, but he is not afraid to deliver punishing blows to bad guys, as needed.

Master Legend is a man of considerable wealth, if you were to factor such a thing in terms of personal enrichment instead of cash. What good is cash unless you can give it away to people who need it? Master Legend does not care of he has been evicted. He will move his headquarters elsewhere and battle evildoers from a new, unpublished location.

Working without a budget? That takes a special kind of bravery.

My hero of 2008, Master Legend, is a grown man wearing a silver costume, lives in a beat-up shotgun shack and drinks Busch beer. He doesn’t just “help people out”. No! He goes on covert missions! Master Legend has weapons with voltage and shiny tools that he made himself - NO PROBS. Every new day has a purpose. Oh, how I wish I could be with Master Legend in Florida, combating staph infections by providing the homeless with clean socks. I would be grateful to ride with his posse and save turtles from ruthless land developers! I hate crackheads, too! Sign me up.

If the world needs a masked crusader, if a selfless optimist wearing nut-smushing spandex can save us, then I want to be a part of that world. Count me in.

Master Legend, long may you wave!

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PapaPig said...

I hope this guy likes pigs, him being in Florida and all that. Or maybe he is in the ghetto some call Miami. Or the rodent infected area of Orlando with it's mouse problems.

Keep him and the crack heads out of rural North Florida!

Minnie-sota said...

Mojo, is it too much to ask our Master Legend super hero to shave? Maybe yes.

Happy New Years Eve!

PapaPig said...

Probably then he does like pigs Minnie, as pigs always leave some stubble. We call it bristles.

Or he is on the internet a lot and doesn't have good hygiene habits.

anony tu said...

This is why our Mojo is no mere blogger. She's a blogguer -- that's special! This Mojopost makes us feel safe in these dangerous times. Bravo!
So, Mojo, you'll say hello to the spirit of John Candy for me tonight whilce you partake of Second City hilarity, yes? When I was a youngster living in a bad place, for about an half season SCTV came on in our town. Then, the television station discovered it was uproarious and took it off. Mid-season!!!

And THIS person has everything you'll ever want to know about John Candy including this video in which Candy appears (briefly) as Yori Spmenge (?) from Second City days. YAY, YAY, YAY!

Happy New Year, Mojo et al.

anony green said...

Mojo, did you hear Papa Pig agree that outdoor peeing is THE best? Yes. If you Chicagos would go green, you too could have plenty of grass to pee upon and have happy genitals. I found this for you and your fellow Chicagos, tell EVERYBODY!


a.t. said...

Oo, I forgot. Papa makes a great point about saving flushes. If you Chicagos will convert to grass peeing, you'll save, heck, HOW many flushes? And then you won't have to die your river the color of Gatorade! Oh yes. I've been to your city. I've seen what you Chicagos do to rivers.

Anonymous said...

Did I say DIE your river? I meant DYE your river.
The Chicagos are killing the rivers! They're dying! And they're moving backwards!

Mojopo said...

Our clocks are spinning backwards and everything has gone GREEN, like meat from Food Lion!!!

anony pee said...

Spinning clocks! Stinky meat! Quick! Everybody pee on the grass!

PapaPig said...

Poop was in vague but now it's peeing.

So here is to you Food Lion, I will pee on your green meat! Film it, nude (pigs are always nude), and sent it to all the networks.

I like the idea of using a green roof, then going up on it to pee.

People would buy more ladders.

PapaPig said...

Ok more peeing stuff.

Old Frank Zappa lyrics, hope I get them right.

Back in the saddle again.
Out where an Indian is your friend.
Where the grass is still green,
you can pee right in the streams!
Back in the saddle again.


HOHOHO way up north where the Huskies go, don't eat the yellow snow.

PapaPig said...

Wait, no those are Fire Sign Theater lyrics, dumb pig...

Frank was into Dental Floss

Frank Zappa
Montana lyrics

[backing vocals Tina Turner & The Ikettes]

I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental Floss

Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
That I can sell uptown

By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
But I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Well I just might grow me some bees
But I'd leave the sweet stuff
To somebody else . . . but then, on the other hand I would

Keep the wax
'N melt it down
Pluck some Floss
'N swish it aroun'

I'd have me a crop
An' it'd be on top (that's why I'm movin' to Montana)

Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon (yes I am)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune

I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dennil Floss
That's growin' on the prairie
Pluckin' the floss!
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all
Afternoon . . .

I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss
(His name is MIGHTY LITTLE)
He's a good hoss
Even though
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
Any way

I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dennil Floss
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks

I'm gonna find me a horse
Just about this big,
An' ride him all along the border line

With a
Pair of heavy-duty
Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
Every other wrangler would say
I was mighty grand

By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
But I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Well I might
Ride along the border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night

And then I'd
Get a cuppa cawfee
'N give my foot a push . . .
Just me 'n the pygmy pony
Over by the Dennil Floss Bush

'N then I might just
Jump back on
An' ride
Like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana

Movin' to Montana soon
Movin' to Montana soon

Mojopo said...

Papa, I loves me some Zappa. Good move, sir, and thank you for it.