Monday, December 08, 2008

Obama’s Citizenship Challenged (By A Fleet Of Human Enemas)

The Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) may decide as early as Monday if they will hear arguments challenging the citizenship of President-elect Barack Obama. A vocal group of conspiracy theorists who can best be described as “borderline personalities” and “sore losers” have spent months trying to ship Obama back to Africa, where they think he came from. So far, no luck.

Undaunted by facts or clear-headedness, the nutters have asked the SCOTUS to get involved. Common sense has been tossed into a blender because raging enema-people like the sound of grinding things.

By law, only natural born US citizens are permitted to become president. Barack Obama was born in Hawaii and has posted a file of his birth certificate on-line, but the crazy people don't believe a word of it. They think Obama is from Kenya or Indonesia, or Kendonesia. Something like that. Let’s make quick work of their claims in IM format, shall we?

HUMAN ENEMA: hawaiian officials will not confirm that obama was born in their state!!!!!!!!! :-P
THE TRUTH: Wrong. Hawaii’s health director and head of vital statistics reviewed Obama's birth certificate in the department's vault (where it is protected from your dirty hands) and vouched for its authenticated certifiedableness. No citizen has his or her original birth certificate. We all get copies. Period. Please stop calling those poor government clerks in Hawaii. You’re crowding their landlines.

HUMAN ENEMA: hey! obammy's paternal grandmother is on TAPE saying she attended his birth in KENYA. i am twisting my moustache while rotflmao at you… BWAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE TRUTH: A group of pinheads called We The People posted a transcript of a long-distance phone conversation that never happened, and said it was between a questioner in the US and Sarah Hussein Obama (Barack’s granny). The group says their dog ate the original taped recording, which is why they can’t cough it up for inspection. Human Enema, you are noise to me.

HUMAN ENEMA: my peeps on world of warcraft said theres a US LAW in effect as of 1961 (the year NOBAMA was born) that denied citizenship to babies from kenya, if the father was kenyan and the mother was not 19 yrs old. HA HA. goodbye unicorn-riding messiah!
THE TRUTH: Not applicable, no matter the nationalities of either parent. And again - Obama was born in Hawaii. US law provides citizenship to babies born in the US. Hawaii has vouched for Obama’s birth certificate until they were blue in the face, and please PLEASE stop bothering them.

HUMAN ENEMA: his mother gave up whatever KENYAN or US citizenship she and BABY BAMA had when she left her african baby daddy and married some INDONESIAN guy… obama is KENYAN and INDONESIAN!!!!!!!… neither of those places is America!!!!!!!!! screw u you OBAMANATION! wheeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE TRUTH: There is a long list of things people have to do before they can ditch their US citizenship. For example, one must be 18 years old. A stepfather’s citizenship cannot change anything, ever, and Obama never relinquished his citizenship. What about this is so hard to understand?

Human enemas are not looking for the truth. They are looking for evidence of an impossibility. It’s a quest without end - a reason for some people to wake up every morning.

The circle-jerk nature of these arguments will never go away. This non-conspiracy is the New Grassy Knoll. It’s an unmarked helicopter. It’s Bigfoot and liver-stealing Las Vegas whores getting alien implants during lunch-hour. If our SCOTUS even dignifies this buffoonery for five whole minutes, Imma fight somebody.

The document in question:

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Anonymous said...

You have much to learn young Padiwan.

Obama is insulting your perceived intelligence by not showing concrete proof, but instead, a doctored Photoslop image.

If I told you to suck my dyck if I washed it, would you?

No ... aaahhh, you dirty cock-sucker.

Is it that easy to pull the wool over your eyes?

Wouldn't an honest man, who wasn't trying to "circumvent" your Constitution and play you for a fool, simply show proof and what is required?

All the other Candidates past and present have done just that.

Not your boy Obama though.

You shouldn't let Obama insult your intelligence.

Mojopo said...

When you became a Human Enema, did you have to go through an initiation ceremony? I mean, did anyone ever ask you to shove your head up their brown starfish to see if you could handle it? I'm just curious and thanks for your comments. I love it when you people come crawling out of your medicated haze. Have a happy day!

Anonymous said...

Really. The guy has to be very clever or he used his superpowers to get into the U.S Senate and then get the U.S. presidency being a foreign. Just for that, he could be the most intelligent man for the job you'd ever get.


Minnie-sota said...

Why, yes, there is something to be concerned with in this case. But it isn't about Obama's birth place. It's that the Chicago Tribune took the We The People Foundation because the Tribune Company will take any old sleasy ad because they are trying to stave off bankruptcy.

Anonymous said...

Barack's mom's name was Stanley?

Your friend, Rusty said...

"Barack's mom's name was Stanley?"
Yes it was: Ann Dunham Soetoro (November 29, 1942 – November 7, 1995), born Stanley Ann Dunham.

Your friend, Rusty said...

What a great way to start a Monday.

"Bigfoot and liver-stealing Las Vegas whores getting alien implants during lunch-hour." Indeed.

Buffoonery — Clarance, Thomas got the Court to agree to a telephone conference call last Friday to discuss granting cert after Souter turned them down. I hope he's not showing his asshattedness and instead intends to have the Court deal a one time smack down that sinks the entire fleet.

Mojopo said...

Minnie, the Trib said the ad met their standards. Which means that any butthorn with few bucks can promote fakery in their reformatted, tabloid-ish POS paper.

Anonymous said...

I actually wished the SCOTUS would have taken this case. It could have put a stop to the two million or so lawsuits that will be filed over everything President Obama does.

Mojopo said...

::waving at guests from Crooks and Liars::

Come on in, it's cold outside. Have some cheese and crackers. Enjoy a soft drink.

Anonymous said...

I've heard this blather on talk radio before. It's all verbal diarrhea which is where the Fleet Enemas come in. This one about the birth certificate dust up is a hoot!!! I think it's fun to hear crazy people twist facts and come up with something way, way out. Keep me laughing crazy people!!!!


Mojopo said...

From Huffpo:

One nut down, one more to go...

Anonymous said...

Slate had this to say about the Grandmother tape: Two translators were on the line when McRae asked if the elder Obama was "present" when the president-elect was born. One of the translators says "yes." McRae contacted Berg and gave him a partial transcript of the call with a signed affidavit. He opted not to include the rest of the call, in which he asks the question more directly—"Was he born in Mombassa?"—and the translators, finally understanding him, tell him repeatedly that the president-elect was born in Hawaii."


Minnie-sota said...

Mojo, do you have any Diet Dr. Pepper? :-)

Anonymous said...

OK, here's what really happened ... When Obama became president, he immediately went to Area 51 to get the full classified briefing on their time travel experiments. Once he learned how to time travel, he went back in time to shortly before his birth, and then created his birth certificate and posted his birth notice in the local paper. And then, decades later, he became president, and then immediately went to Area 51 (and so on).

Mojopo said...

Thanks for the Slate link. The only thing missing is an EVP recording from the Sci-Fi Network, which may be the ghostly voice of a Kenyan mid-wife who claims she saw the Obama birth. Heads will roll!

Hi, Minnie! What's up with the Diet Dr. Pepper?

'08AMA said...

I just heard Tin (Sn) is selling for a trillion dollars/ounce because of a Tin shortage created by all the right wingers getting hats made of tin foil in order to prevent Obama's alien grandmother from stealing their brain signals and converting them all to pinko libruls.

4 (8) more years of this ?

God help us!

Minnie-sota said...

Mojo, I just got a NY Times news alert that the Tribune Company has filed for bankruptcy. That "We the People Foundation" ad apparently didn't bring in enough funds to save them.

Oh, I just felt like a Dr. Pepper today since you were offering soda. :-)

Your friend, Rusty said...

It is going to be a long 8 years. Scalia just referred another of the nut cases to conference after Ginsburg denied it.

Anonymous said...

This just in: Obama is actually one of a pair of identical twins. The other is horribly deformed and spends half his life in the northern rockies as "Bigfoot" and the other half in the Himalayas as "Yeti". They were born six months before his parents met and marched in Selma together. Obama's brother, Hussein Barack Obama renounced his citizenship and swore allegiance to Dodi Al-Fayed (he was trying to swear allegiance to the Mujahedeen-e-Khalq, but got confused). He is the shadowy "third bodyguard" who drugged Princess Diana before kidnapping her and replacing her with a body double (Anna Nicole Smith's younger sister).

In his spare time he enjoys biking and quail-hunting. He runs ultra-marathons, 5 k's, and explosively-formed projectiles to Iraqi Contras via abandoned Air America bases in the Mekong delta.


Mojopo said...

Minnie - of course have a soda!

Bill, you had me at Dodi. I've also discovered that if one were to repeat "Barack Hussein Obama" into a mirror 13 times, you can see The Debbil.

jennmcq said...

Hey! Congratulations on landing a true nut job comment on your blog! LOL

Speaking of nut jobs... have any of you seen/heard this:

Mojopo said...

Jenn, thanks for the linkage. Yes, I have been reading Right Wing Watch this year for the same reason I listen to Rush. I like to know what the lying, multimillionaire pinheads are up to. Also, I enjoy having high blood pressure. I get lightheaded when I stand up too fast. It's a high. It makes me a better writer. I write standing up every night. On the real, girl, on the real.