Thursday, December 11, 2008

The XXX Blagojevich Tapes (Safe For Work)

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring to you the XXX adult version of the Blagojevich tapes. This is a Mojopost exclusive. Here are some of the excerpts:
Blagojevich: Did you get my money?
Candidate #2: One more week, and I’ll have it all.
Blagojevich: That’s a f-----g problem. I might be more patient if you take off your shirt. I can’t hear you when you’re wearing a f-----g bra.
Candidate #2: Ahhh…I’ve been dying to take this off all day…

Wait – it gets worse!
Blagojevich: Is it true what they say about black c-cks?
Candidate #5: Totally. If I show you, can I have the senate seat?
Blagojevich: That depends. How big is it?
[zipper sound]
Blagojevich: NOT BIG ENOUGH. Get my money or no seat!
Candidate #5: Come on man! It’s cold in here! Give me two minutes, and I swear to God - it’s like an elephant’s trunk.
Blagojevich: I’ve got an idea.
[zipper sound]
Blagojevich: How’s about you make mine bigger and throw in a happy ending? You get one week.
Candidate #5: Can I use a tissue?
Blagojevich: No, but you can use your motherf-----g mouth. My turn next.

Then there’s that, that... THING with his wife on the phone:
Blagojevich: Jesus Christ. I feel sick and conflicted.
Patti: What did you have for lunch?
Blagojevich: A big, black – uh - hot dog.
Patti: Why the f—k did you eat a black hot dog? What that f—k is that? Was it burned?
Blagojevich: Wait – did you just hear that noise?
Patti: I didn’t hear jack sh-t.
Blagojevich: I wonder if that assh-le Fitzgerald is taping me?
Patti: That assh-le? Stop being paranoid. He’s too much of a f----t to be that clever.


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12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good Morning, Mojo! So, Blagojevich suspected he was being taped and he didn't wanted to be too obvious, aha.

LV

Mojopo said...

Hiya, LV --

Actually, I think he was too stupid to consider the fact that he was already under investigation when the bugs were planted. This guy is so stupid - it's a new low in retardation.

widepart said...

POWER CORRUPTS, ABSOLUTE POWER CORRUPTS ABSOLUTELY!
IT SEEMS ALSO TO TURN PEOPLE INTO MORONS.

Anonymous said...

[I refuse to believe, you can become governor being that stupid- struck out the former]

It was on purpose. He wanted to be caught =)

LV

Minnie-sota said...

Lots of words not appropriate for the office come to mind regarding this guy.

Anonymous said...

Black hot dog??? Hahahaha!!!! You made that up right???

\\Speedy//

Mr Blifil said...

Jesus God. Do not eat the hot dogs at Costco. It's well known that they are made from discarded blastocysts harvested from fertility clinics.

On the other hand there may be benefits from eating all the stem cells, provided you don't use too much mustard, which will fuck up the whole acidity thing.

Mojopo said...

Mmmm... blastocysts with mustard and relish. Offensive AND delicious!

Ralph said...

THIS REVEALS THE CULTURE OF CORRUPTION SO INHERENT IN THE DEFEATOCRAT PARTY!!!!!

EXPECT WORSE AS WE NEAR THE RAPTURE AND COMING TRIBULATION (CRUEL REIGN OF PIAPS)!!!!

Mojopo said...

Shut up and make ma a sandwich, Ralph. That mayonnaise ain't gonna spread itself. If you corrupt the lettuce, I'm going to reveal you to The Health Department.

Minnie-sota said...

The Republicans have skanky politicians too. I seem to remember one of them ending up in an Minneapolis airport bathroom playing footsie with a police officer.

~Minnie, reporting from the lovely Twin Cities

Mojopo said...

Minnie, I almost forgot about that guy Larry. Can you get me a sliver of TP from the men's room at the Minnesota airport? I want to put it in my political scrapbook. Thanks much, if possible.