Thursday, October 16, 2008
Obama Wins The Final Debate; Grampy McNasty Is All Kinds Of Angry
John McCain is angry, hurt, angry and most of all, A-N-G-R-Y. In a particularly inspired round of poor judgment, he wore his contempt for Barack Obama on his sleeve, sneered, belittled and condescended his way through the final presidential debate. Obama focused on acting like a president.
John McCain is just so...angry. Arr! He kept swinging at the air like a drunken sailor. Every time he threw a punch, he lost his balance and fell over. After two years of campaigning, McCain still has no idea what to do with the economy or anything else. Oh yeah - get this: his health care policy is really easy to sum up (“piss off”) and his running mate’s foreign policy experience relies on her ability to see Russia from her house. It’s like he doesn’t even care.
McCain has spent big honking piles of GOP cash to sneer about some former terrorist in Chicago. Grampy tried to play Six Degrees of Separation and tack this guy to Obama, but it turns out no one cares. Bigger fish to fry, apparently. How did that investment on terror work out for you, Senator? DING DING DING, and win a prize if you said crappy.
Also – and this one really was a scream – McCain said that Democrats are facilitating the biggest case of voter fraud ever. Something about some nutty group called ACORN, and it amounts to jack squat. Voter fraud? Worst ever? Are you serious. Jesus H. Stolen Election By Dubya Christ! I will say this – McCain’s balls are so big that he needs a wheelbarrow to cart them around. It’s not like that’s a selling point, but still. Good luck with those immeasurable balls, sir.
McCain brought up a story about Joe The Plumber (no relation to Bob The Builder). Joe The Plumber this, Joe The Plumber that. McCain brought up Joe The Plumber so many times, in so many weird ways, that it became clear Joe The Plumber is actually a voice a McCain’s head urging him to go sick on Warshington with a hatchet. We need to call the cops before he hurts somebody. Seriously. Joe The Plumber must be stopped!
As for Obama – well, I’m in the bag for him. 100%. After tonight, I tilted his Kool-Aid machine upwards and poured it over my head. I am soaking in it, is what I am saying. Obama has actual ideas and made sense, and really – given the alternative – my choice is clear. I’ll take a message of hope and integrity over a nut with sharp objects any day of the week. I don’t know why such a wonderful, considerate, intelligent and decent man actually wants to run this country, considering the shape we are in, and please sir, do it. We should be so lucky.
A great post-debate analysis is one click away. Check the latest CNN polls about the debate here.