Sunday, November 09, 2008
Republicans Blame Palin, Crap Themselves At The Same Time
I love my new life in the United States of Happy Kool-Aid Change. The best part is watching the Sybil-rific nervous breakdowns occurring within the Republican Party. Have you ever wondered how hungry sharks would react in a circle-jerk? Me neither, but now I know. Just open up a newspaper or browser, friends, and see for yourself. Here are the highlights:
* McCain’s advisors are blaming Sarah Palin for everything. Never mind that those same advisors were responsible for vetting Palin properly, or how they assured us all that Gov. Palin was more than able to lead this nation if anything happened to Grampy (God forbid). They can’t deny it – ample evidence is lathered all over YouTube of prayerful, pro-Palin comments from McCain’s inner circle. None of that matters now. No, it’s all her fault Grampy lost the election and they’ve even sent lawyers to Alaska to repossess her ill-gotten gains (horribly expensive clothes, underwear for Todd, etc.). The new face of the Republican Party is Sarah Palin, who they will turn into a rogue indie and then fall back in love with her come 2012. You watch. I’m psychic about this stuff.
* Former Democrat, Sen. Joe Lieberman, campaigned for McCain this year. Joe and Grampy go way back, so Joe turned-coated his entire career right into the pooper by not only campaigning for McCain, but he also talked smack about Obama. Democrats are deciding what to do Joe right now, and it’s not going to be pretty. Joe Lieberman is so screwed and the only senator who will eat lunch with him is Grampy, who has been invisible since Obama won the election. Ha ha!
* George Bush has been crying all over my TV set this week. He is so, so sad about leaving his big White House and offered warm regards to Barack Hussein Obama. With all due respect to folks who wish to cut him some slack for appearing human, don’t be fooled again. He’s playing you like a game of Free Cell and he’s very good at appearing human while squelching human rights, starting wars and appointing incompetent boobs to oversee devastating natural disasters (cue up City of New Orleans and think).
I am pleased to announce that Republicans are absolutely fucked for at least four years, and Democratic lawyers are already sorting out the hundreds of bullshit executive orders Bush presided over. Buddy, you haven’t seen the half of it yet. You wait.
Lastly, word to the crackers who think Obama won because of race: I understand that your party is used to lying it’s face off, but this particular myth has no wings. If that were true, you would have been answering to President Al Sharpton a long time ago. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
The Eagles – Lying Eyes