Friday, May 22, 2009

Dick Cheney's Tell-Tale Heart

I will discourage wagering among the ghouls, but I’m telling you that Dick Cheney looks like he’s about to croak. Have you seen his pressers lately? Between sentences he is laboring for breath and interrupting himself to partake of coughing jags. This world tour of his to promote waterboarding isn’t about national security – this is about Dick doing damage control immediately, to keep Dubya from blaming him for everything when he’s dead.

David Letterman seems to be thinking the same thing. Here’s a clip of Dave riffing on Dick’s labored breathing.

Ok, but in all seriousness? I listened to about nine minutes of his speech on May 21st. Between every sentence Dick is reaching hard for air. Clearing his throat. Coughing now and then. I thought about his health history and his notoriously bad heart.

Dick has been very outspoken against the Obama administration in the past few months. It used to be that members of a former presidential administration reserved their criticism of new presidents in books published a few years after leaving office. Not Dick – he has been extremely visible on news programs, to the point of becoming redundant.

In all of Dick appearances of late, he has sneeringly defended his point of view on torture and warns us about unknown, invisible evildoers, while implying that Obama isn’t man enough to handle them. Dick’s daughter, Liz, has jumped into the fray, accusing Pres. Obama of siding with terrorists. These commentaries have had a sense of urgency about them, mixed with righteous indignation.

When I hear Dick speak, I wonder how he would sound if he replaced the words “terrorist” and “enemies” with “heart disease” and “respiratory failure”. Is Dick’s struggle against terrorism and defense of torture symbolic of his failing health and the lengths he will go to for more time? I think so. I know what a man sounds like when his pulmonary system has betrayed him. I lost my father to COPD a few months ago, and perhaps I am reading too much into things. My Dad wanted more life and every detail seemed urgent to him. Sometimes he was arrogant about it. Time will tell if I am right or wrong about Dick, but he is certainly behaving like a man at the end of his world.

This is the last paragraph, where I should sew up the hem and offer goodwill to the Cheney family as a woman who had a very sick father, too, but I won’t. The only thing I can offer to the Cheney’s in the way of advice is to step away from the heat when the former Bush administration (and the Republican party) burns their father’s legacy in effigy to save their own hide. You ain’t seen the meaning the meaning of the word ugly yet.

U2 – Until The End Of The World

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anony tu said...

Whoa! When you get rollin, babe, you roll!!! Now THIS is the work of a two time recipient of the Mike's BRU Excellence in Journalism Award!! 10! dammit! I said 10!!!!

Mojopo said...

Well bow me down, Olive! You like? I'm glad. But really - I have had Dick's health on my mind for a few months. He is desperate, and it shows.

anony tu said...

Please, Ms Mojo, don't empathize too much with Dick. I know you had an experience with your Dad. But remember, Dick is a sneaky, lowdown, ass wipe and certainly your Dad was not. So, there's a difference.

Do I like? Are you kidding me? I just hope in the thread before this one I did not push you too hard, presuming you read it. As your agent here in the N.O.LA regional division (Did your people in Chicago tell you?) it's my job to keep the copy coming, yes?

Do I like? Mojo, you are the ben wa beads of letters! Everytime I think you've reached the pinnacle of your craft, bloop, out pops topper! Amazing woman, you are and I am so proud to represent you in my region for a mere 52% of gross.

PapaPig said...

But what did we trade? Obama also announced yesterday about his plan for extended detention. Is that the same thing we have now?

New words for the same thing we had?

I am a little worried.

Speedy said...

Leaving them in Gitmo would have been better than bringing them here. These aren't nice guys, they're criminals who want to kill us. So what if they have no rights...That's what made America great. Opress and demean your enemies! I saw Mr. Cheney last night. He looked sick is all I can say.

anony tu said...

Hey, hey, hey, it's combo night!

Mojopo said...

I want that glass! Too fun.

There are no tini's in this house tonight. After a massive fish fry in a shady part of town, there was no way I could put a martini on top of it unless I used my knee. I have about 85 gallons of grease and gravy running through my bloodstream. If I added vermouth to the mix, I am certain my stomach would be up all night making wild accusations to my toilet. No one comes away from that looking good.

Mojopo said...

Papa, did you read Maureen Dowd's column this week? Here is a link I think you will like:

Also, I can't help but wonder, with all of these rollbacks, what Obama knows that we don't.

Anony - don't worry. There is no chance in hell that I will find a shred of empathy for Dick. He needs to die in jail.

anony tu said...

Sokay, Mojo. You're excused from martini detail tonight. I was gonna make Scrotch stay in his box tonight too, but the poor little scamp pined and whimpered so long I felt sorry for him and let him out.
Down, Scrotch, down!

So, what's going up on the big marquee tonight, Mojo? Hope it's something fun and sexy. I've been debating (calling people dirty names) at another site most of the night. I finally had my fill but Scrotch is still at it. Did you hear about the dj in your town who was waterboarded today? Why do they call him "Mancow"? You live in such a silly place!

anonytu said...

SCOOP! Ms MojoPo! I think you better have a look at this quick! I've checked all the right blogs and none of em have picked this up yet but how long will it be?!

Mojopo said...

Landsakes! I'll be on it first thing in the morning.

Anonymous said...

I know one is not supposed to wish
for someone's demise, but as far as
I'm concerned, for Dick Cheney, AKA: Liar in Chief, the end can't
come soon enough. Every time he's on TV, I hit the mute button, cause
I know if his lips are moving, he's

Old Hippy said that

anony tu said...

Oh, no!I forgot to check Mojo's calendar (yes, I'm her secretary -- administrative assistant, I mean.) This is the weekend Mojo is to give the commencement speech at Berkley. Hope she remembered and hasn't gone off to the spa for the weekend.

You, like myself, are waiting for a new Mojopost. I mean how many times can you read about Dick Cheney before you have to be hospitalized? So, I'll just throw something out there to talk about, but I want to preface it by saying, I AM NOT GAY! I'm not! No, I am NOT! I couldn't be. I'm married with children. No gay man has ever been married with children! Never!

So, I'd like to talk about gayness, (as a NOT gay person.) Have you noticed lately that some Hollywood stereotypes of gayness have been putting themselves on the real life scene and trying to pass themselves off as the genuine article? I have! Well, in my town there's Bruce. No shit, his name is really Bruce. Or perhaps it ISN'T Bruce.

Bruce works at a convenience store near my home where I buy my cigarettes and scrotch. So you know I go there almost daily! Bruce has been there a long time and, in Bruce, we have the most Hollywood gay anybody can imagine. He is effeminate, has a high-pitched squeaky voice, wears perfume, and holds his wrists in... that way. He hump bumps when he walks. I told him once, "Bruce, I don't believe you. You are so Nellie, you can't be real." "Even as a NOT gay man," I said, "even I can tell you're faking it. Who's putting you up to it?"

Do any of you remember Car Wash? Remember the gay guy in it and what he told this guy who asked him, "Are you a man or are you a woman?" He answered, "Honey, I am more man than you'll ever be, and more woman than you'll ever get." Bruce said something almost as funny to me. First let me tell you that in my neighborhood we sometimes call rednecks "Harleys." (Don't know why.) He said, "I'll tell you what I told that Harley the other night: I may be a sissy, but I can whip your sorry ass." And the thing is, he probably can. Heck, I KNOW he can. I like Bruce. He knows the cigarettes I smoke and the scrotch I drink and he's funny and nice to me. But I'm NOT gay.

Another thing is, Mojo has not put up a Mojopoll in I don't know how long. I would put all of this up on "The big screen" but Mojo will not give me the keystroke for that -- she's a shrewd boss. So, I'll just put a poll here for you to answer in the post-a-comment. The question: Am I gay? Possible answers: a) No b) Married with children? No way you're gay c) unh-unh

a.t. said...

Getting a little paranoid. I think you guys moved and didn't tell me.

PapaPig said...

Mojopo said...

Papa, did you read Maureen Dowd's column this week? Here is a link I think you will like:

Also, I can't help but wonder, with all of these rollbacks, what Obama knows that we don't.

I am confused Mojo. Does he really know something we don't and can't tell us?

Or is he being controlled by the same money people that control both parties and most of the known world?

A lot of people say Kennedy was removed because he refused to abide by the real power people in the world.

Did I say we have a puppet government? Guess I just did.

PS: How can I get a lunch date with Maureen? Do you want to go with, if I get one?

anony tu said...

Okay, then, I'll start the discussion.

It's a fact that not gay men in the 17th and 18th centuries did wear perfume, powdered wigs, tights, and pancake make-up. And ribbons! But how many of them were named Bruce?

The answer to the poll is a) no.

Mojopo said...

GAY GAY GAY. Ok, Ok, I'll do a massive gay blog sometime this week.

But only because you are struggling with your sexuality, Anony. Anyone who goes on for 18 paragraphs about Teh Geh is GAY. You're here, you're queer, get used to it!