Monday, May 04, 2009

Human Toileting















No, Michael, I was not aware that human toileters were suffering in the Third World. When you sent me that note about modern-day slave labor it was the first time I’ve ever heard about human toileters. I could see something like this happening in Germany, though.

Michael, this has to be stopped immediately. I don’t care what I have to sign, I’ll do anything to make human toileting stop! Every time a human is used as a toilet a part of me dies! WHAT CAN I DO TO WIPE OUT HUMAN TOILETING?

I was angry but I caught myself. As I was about to head out the door and demonstrate, I realized that I’m not going to help anyone by dressing as a toilet and sitting on Michigan Avenue. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it is that performance art sucks a bag of dicks and nobody gets it. People like the Internet! Everybody gets that (except for my mother). Count me in for any (and all!) on-line polls.

I'll be all around in the dark. I'll be everywhere – at all hours of the night. Wherever there's a flame war, I'll be there. Wherever there's a forum moderator beating up a guy, I'll be there. I'll be in the way people Tweet when they're mad. And when the people are sitting on their own john, because they won’t be human toileters anymore, I’ll be there in spirit.

Light a candle for them, won’t you?

Bishop Paul Morten & the Greater St. Stephens Choir - We Shall Overcome (rawks!)



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11 comments:

Mojopo said...

Is Laurie Metcalf available?

Anonymous said...

I could see something like this happening in Germany, though.you say it because of the blue eyes, right? Well, yes I've seen this here in Germany, but I have to point out so you don't get a wrong idea, it's just children slavery, only children.

Have a nice week,

LV

anonytu said...

I wasn't even aware that *toilet* is a verb! I don't know what human toileting is, but I bet I've done it. At one point or another, I've done every shit job there is. And for slave wages! I'll sign them there partitions, ma'am! And I WILL dress as a toilet somewhere and demonstrate in the street if for no other reason than it's a way to meet people and I need to get out more anyway.
I don't Tweeter. But I lub to toot!

THIS Mojopost gets a ten because it's not about Arlen Specter.

Minnie-sota said...

Mojo, your photo reminds me of that one scene in Slumdog Millionaire.

Speedy said...

I was just gonna say that Minnie!!! Mind reader!!! That one scene will stay with me forever where the kid flings himself off the platform into the poo. The only redeming quality Slumdog Millionaire had for me was that I'm thankful I didn't grow up in India!

Yvette said...

Hey, who says performance art sucks and is not understood? Have you not seen all those "infect truth" commercials? The dying rat was quite moving.

Maybe if you sang while dressed as a toilet. Catchy lyrics always make a statement.

Mojopo said...

Yvette, um... You wanna try again with a different example?

Mojopo said...

I wish I could wrap performance art in plastic and leave it in the sun.

Speedy said...

Just an F.Y.I. DO NOT look up human toilet on google. You will be horrified!!!!

Mojopo said...

Oh my Jesus Lord.

I was making fun of Michael for misspelling the word "toilers" and now look! ON NOES!

Anonymous said...

you have an evil fantasy =)

LV