Wednesday, October 29, 2008
McCain Insiders Suffering, Thinking About Changing Their Names
McCain campaign insiders are leaking more dirt than a busted Hoover bag. Oh yeah, baby. They hate Sarah.
Anonymous employees of Sen. Grampy are eager to vent to anyone who will listen.
“I’ve had it!” said an aide. “I’m supposed to be an advisor but I am knee deep in diapers and idiocy. Sarah Palin is embarrassing. How am I supposed to work with that? I'm not Annie Sullivan! I spend half of my time trying to keep Sarah's kids from setting fires and the other half beating my head against hard surfaces, trying to make myself pass out. No matter what I try and tell Sarah, she has a better idea. Why am I here?”
It gets worse.
“Yesterday, Sarah tried to make Nancy Pfotenhauer breast-feed Trig. Never mind how gross that is, but Nancy Pfotenhauer is like, I dunno, 60 years old. If she can squeeze-out a drop of anything remotely liquid, I’ll be the first one to call Ripley’s Believe It Or Not.”
“As soon as this election is over, I’m going to punch Todd Palin in the balls. We call a meeting, and there’s Todd. We make conference calls, and there’s Todd. John won’t even look at him anymore.”
“Mostly I hate John McCain. This whole thing is his fault. As soon as John loses this campaign I hope Cindy sends him divorce papers. These past two years are a smoking crater on my resume. Every potential employer is going to think I’m a moron or a racist, or something. I mean - come on! Have you seen the psychos at John’s rallies? Every day is Halloween, man. Fuck. This. I wish it was November 5th already.”