Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Daily Beast Cheat Sheet Condensed - Vol. 2

At last, the Daily Beast Cheat Sheet condensed, for your busy schedule. It’s quicker, that’s why.

Al Qaeda Warns Obama
Ayman al-Zawahiri, the grand poobah of Al Qaeda, sent a mix-tape to Al Jazeera and guess what? He made a gangsta rap about President Elect Obama. A sample: “Bitches and ho’s/And House Negroes/F*ck Obama and the rest/Got my suicide vest!” See, Republicans? I told you he wasn’t rolling with A-Q. Whatever man, whatever.

Dow Plummets Below 8,000
We don’t need an economic wizard anymore. We need a diving bell!

Who Started The California Wildfires?

Ten 18 to 22-year-olds started the damn fire. They thought they put out their bong, but NO. Yes, they are going to jail. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Down With The Auto Bailout!
Word to the coddled rich and oblivious CEO’s: Never, ever land in DC on a private jet when you’re trying to shake down some moist, delicious corporate welfare dollars. May I get you a warm towel and salty nuts to shove up yourself sideways, sir?

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Also, The Beast passed by something very gay and very important today. Again. Why? No on Prop 8 is the new black, Tina. For some weird reason, Stonewall doesn’t seem that long ago anymore either. Dream it, be it.

Top Court in California Will Review Proposition 8
What is it about civil rights and love that Prop 8 hates so much? Is all of that freedom and compassion on your last nerve, 8? In any case, a mobilized, committed and fiercely proud group is ready to kick some hater ass. Go California!

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Anonymous said...

Thanks for the update.

Did the CEO's private jet was arriving from a sex tour with some lobbyists? If that's the case, I could understand.


Anonymous said...

Yes indeed Lucy. GM, Ford, and Chrystler's Ceo's are fresh off the private jets with brand new blow jobs. Don't you think it would make have made more of an impact to drive into Washington convoy style and show how fabulous the cars and trucks are??? I wish I was a CEO of the big 3. I could piss away money and noone would think anything of it.


Your friend, Rusty said...

"It’s quicker, that’s why."
Good enough for me.