For the first time in the history of ever Mojopost is featuring a guest blog by Jane Craptable, a 13 year-old pancake magnate and writer from Olcott Beach, NY. Business minded readers may be more familiar with Jane’s accomplishments as CEO of Dee Dah Dee De Dee Pancakes! (sing the name out loud, it’s more fun that way). Congratulations, Jane, for making it through my extensive vetting process. Welcome!
Jane would like to introduce you to her neighbors. SPOILER ALERT: Jitterbug IS his real name.
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As you may or may not know, I am Mojopo’s niece from the ever so famous Olcott Beach. Aunt Mojo sent me a blog idea and I was thrilled! She wanted me to explain to you what kind of folks we have up here.
First of all, there is a man in Olcott Beach named Jitterbug. He has been alive longer then anyone else I know. The only thing keeping him alive is the toxic Olcott fish he eats, and all the alcohol he drinks.
Jitterbug is African American. Whenever I whine about school he starts up with the "back in the day I wasn't allowed to go to school cuz I'm black" thing. I wonder if he hates some white people.
Do you want to know what Jitterbug looks like? He's about 6'5” but he's all hunched over with a cane. His face is fun because it always looks like he’s saying “ya know?” and talks like he's drunk, even when he is sober.
Jitterbug loves to hand out money. One time I hurt my arm and he handed me his wallet saying "You’re gonna have to pay the hospital bills!" Of course I did not take his money! You wanna know where Jitterbug is right now? In the hospital bleeding out of his anus from his drinking! He's gonna need surgery before he’s all right. I hope he remembered his wallet.
Next, I better tell you about some other crazy neighbors we have. Like Scooter Kid! The Scooter Kid is about 20 and he rides this scooter all the time – even to get his mail or when he delivers pizza! It drives the entire neighborhood nuts! He built that piece of trash himself and now he is in love with it.
Something else you should know is that the local school has just fired another pedo. Yup, just this week we had a teacher charged with "sexting", 2 or 3 counts of 3rd degree sexual abuse and stuff. Do I need to carry pepper spray to school now?
Olcott Beach has all kinds of people - gossips, old ladies and we even have couples that get drunk and break windows. There is a woman down the street who picks through our garbage, too. A few months back, a little boy tried to steal a gold fish out of the pond in our front yard. My mother told him she was going to call the police. I think she scared the pee out of him! Where do I fit into this place? I fit because I am weird, too, and I like that very much.
I bet I convinced everyone reading this to take a trip to Olcott Beach! I am sure they would have some fun! Jitterbug might be out of the hospital by then.
Ok, love you! Bye! xoxoxoxox
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10 comments:
talks like he's drunk, even when he is sober.I wonder how you notice the difference.
It sounds like O Beach is fun! Thanks for the blog, Jane!
LV
Yes, thanks Jane. GREAT JOB! OMG!
How can you tell when Bug is sober? I never could.
ha, mojo, the proud aunty =)
LV
I'm giving this first ever Mo-jane-post a ten (highest possible rating) because, well, heck, it's just so good. I think I likes me some Olcott Beach maybe. Perhaps I'll tell yall about my little southern hamlet someday. Anybody remember the show, Twin Peaks? Sorta like that.
10!
I love hearing a bout your home town and your niece is adorable! Thank you for the excellent post Jane!
Jane sounds like she is far beyond her 13 years - smart kid!
Haha , I am the famous "jane" xD , Thanks for the great comments. And MJ , messaged me asking me to do it and how could I resist. And yupp I am smart. Lol.
Hahahahah, of course you are smart, Jane, if you are related to Mojo.
I wonder if he hates some white people.I'd wonder why if he didn't.
SPEAKING AS A FORMER OLCOTTIAN THE "BUG" SOBER.. RARE BUT YOU CAN TELL BY THE WAY HE LOOKS YOU IN THE EYE! WHAT A MAN THE STORIES AND LIFE. i WAS GLAD TO HEAR HE'S STILL AROUND.
I used to visit my uncle in a wonderful little town by the name of Okemah. This uncle owned the sole drive-in for miles around; I became very popular (free concession stand goodies and entrance to the drive-in). The handyman, and oldest person alive in that town, was Raz. He was a hobo--rode the rails and worked odd jobs for food.
I miss Raz. It never occured to me that my heart would be so sad and heavy thinking of how much I loved him, his stories, and connection to the past. Your story brought me back to a day when hanging out with hobos was okay. Fun, in fact.
Oh yeah, Raz was a total alcoholic, too. I learned a lot from him.
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