Saturday, May 02, 2009

Review: Dino’s Pizzeria Is From Hell

For the first time in my whole life I've had to throw away a pizza. I still can't explain it (maybe you can) but Dino’s pizza crust had MOLD. OMFG!

I noticed that something tasted funny about the pizza I ordered, so I took a closer look at the crust and there it was - raw penicillin! Do they pre-bake their crusts and store them in a wet cave? If you're curious to know, mold on pizza tastes like soap and gasoline. Swear to God.

I ordered garden salads with the pizza. The salads were gritty, and after I took a bite of the pizza it seemed wise to take a closer look at the lettuce. Guess what I found? SAND and FLIES, as far as the eyes could see! FLIES! There were more insects in the salads than croutons! If the chef considered those salads washed, I’d hate to see his fingernails. I should have ordered a farted-on booger pizza from Domino’s and called it a night, but NOoooOOO!

Dino, if you are reading this I am telling you right now that I am the one who ratted you out on Google, Yelp, Menuism and Metromix. I hope a Dutch motorcade runs you over.

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anonytu said...

Wait! Are you kidding me? You're not?!

You know, that 2012 thing that all the fundies are in a stew about is looking more real to me by the day. Not saying this is a sign of the endtime, not saying it's not a sign, but if you can't get a decent pizza all day, everyday -- IN CHICAGO, for godsake! -- who really cares if the world is coming to an end?

Oh, Ms Mojo, I know how deeply it must have hurt you to have to report this. Me? I probably would've just kept it to myself, pretended it hadn't happened. But that's why you're the pro. Yes! If the world is coming to an end, we probably should know about it so's we can get a few things in order first.

Thank you, Ms Mojo. 10.

Mojopo said...

Truly, I have no inside bead on the apocalypse. What I DO know is that Dino is a little bitch and his slop is best served over a compost heap. Imma fight him!

Minnie-sota said...

OMG, I was hungry for a pizza this weekend until I read this. Yikes!

Speedy said...

This is disgusting in the extreme Mojo!!! Please report this cespool to the health department A.S.A.P.!!!!

PapaPig said...

Relax, they were following HLS instructions to insert penicillin into the food chain for secondary infections to the A-H1N1 virus.

The fact you took a few bites before realizing it means you are now safe. There is no need for you now to duct tape windows.

Smokey said...

Last weekend I was in Chicago, looking for pizza, specifically Nancy's Stuffed Pizza. The one on Elston was closed, but I had found the one in Elmhurst. The top was just as good as I remembered, but the crust seemed to be a pre-bake. What is the world coming to when a decent Chicago pizza joint resorts to cheating? That is like saying Portillo's will quit using all beef hot dogs!