Thursday, April 30, 2009
Swine Flu FAQ
What is Swine Flu?
Swine Flu is a pandemic that has infected cable news programs. You might be next.
What happens if I try not to think about Swine Flu?
Your brain will think about it every half second in presentation format (including graphics, pie charts, general statistics and a motivational message at the end).
What are the symptoms?
First, Sanjay Gupta will report LIVE from Mexico, sporting bugged out eyes and thin film of sweat. Next thing you know, you’re going to wonder if your seasonal allergies are a clever disguise for a sinister pig virus.
How many times can one person contract Swine Flu?
If you’re looking for a topical excuse to get out of work, I strongly recommend that you exercise the Swine Flu option one time only. However, if you actually get sick from Swine Flu later on you are going to look like the biggest lie-bag in the whole world.
Self-indulgent societies are being held hostage by a swine-to-human virus. Should I meditate on irony or gluttony?
Alanis, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times! It’s a PARADOX!
Alanis Morissette – Ironic (multiple personality disorder version)