Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Snowed In By Daley In Chicago
When Chicago has a moment of downtime away from corruption and greed, we can always rely on incompetence to pass the time. For example, the city can’t afford adequate snow removal, sand or road salt. Let me explain something about this fix: It snows in Chicago like it rains in Seattle. Blaming our mayor, Richard M. Daley, for the lack of pro-active snow removal is the right thing to do.
I enjoy exciting walks to the train along the skating rink that is my sidewalk, with what feels like two Carvel ice cream cakes strapped to my feet. Abject terror first thing in the morning is one inexpensive way to burn calories, but I’ve heard it’s not very heart-smart. While I have managed to avoid knocking out my front teeth so far this season, the sound of old people breaking their hips has become a little too, shall we say, common.
Sure, the main roads are cleared. The side streets? Plows come by (on occasion) to scrape the snow off the ice, and knock as many mirrors off parked cars as humanly possible. I have a garage, but pity the fool who does not. You want license plate numbers? When the plow comes around again next year, I’ll write it down.
The upside of this mess? The potholes are filled with something for a change. Snow and ice. Neither of those things is helpful for traction, but I have not activated my airbags driving to the grocery store this month. If I had square wheels made of hammerheads, my drive-time could not possibly be worse.
President-elect Obama has said he will authorize work to rebuild our nation’s roads and bridges. Sir, we would gratefully have a wee thimble full of construction – or even just the crust of repair. Really – it wouldn’t take much to calm people the hell down. Chicagoans are a few weeks away from shoving Mayor Daley’s face into a snow bank and depantsing him in front of the Olympic Committee. I’m not saying that I would do that – certainly not. I have a snow shovel in my trunk and I feel like fighting.
I don’t know which gangster or corrupt official won’t be paid this month, but Cook County needs some plows and salt. Do not make me take my earrings off.