I asked Mojopost readers which kinds of jokes they prefer, because your funny bone is important to me. This week I have a firm mandate. Most of you prefer a steaming pants-load of jokes about crap above anything else in life. If there’s a howl to be enjoyed over a toilet bowl full of unmentionables, by God – you people are all over it. And that is why we are going to talk about poop.
Shit is fascinating. It’s always on time and rarely celebrated, but when it is unexpected it is the most important thing in the whole world. Further, Number Two is something we all do as humans and we can relate. We have all been there, hunkered down after coffee and reading the shampoo bottle to pass time. I love this about us, that we understand the relevance of a good dump.
This is what I know about dookie:
* Like most people, I can’t poop in a public toilet unless it is a valid emergency. If I may be candid, I prefer to save my hot cable for the home office. In those must-go circumstances in the world, I feel like a primitive beast that is dragging down evolution. Everything is louder in a bathroom stall. It makes me sad.
* Everyone farts when they need to poop. A chronic farter is just someone looking for a home office. It is true that some folks get a bit gassy because of certain foods. On the other hand, maybe they aren’t trying hard enough to take a crap. When the butt-horn sounds, I am all about a magazine and alone time.
* When I wipe away my problem area, I prefer a combination of toilet paper and moist towelettes. As a matter of fact, I think moist towelettes are a necessity. They get rid of cling-ons, smears and my cheeks are always fresh. Being fresh is important to me, as a person who owns white underwear. I’m like you – stains harsh my mellow. Moist towelettes lend confidence and reassurance is visible on laundry day.
Good luck to one and all on their BM’s today. Think of me, if you will, and remind yourself that what you are doing is good and just. Your relief is our bond. In the comment section, below, you are invited to discuss anything of fecal importance. No one will be judged. Need inspiration? Visit RateMyPoo.com, but do not arrive there on an empty stomach. Graphic indeed. Very much NOT safe for work.
FYI – check out the new poll when you have time. It’s about the Internet, and how it might be better than other things in your life. All votes are anonymous. Have at it!