Thursday, December 18, 2008

Weekly Poll Results – Poop Is Fantastic














I asked Mojopost readers which kinds of jokes they prefer, because your funny bone is important to me. This week I have a firm mandate. Most of you prefer a steaming pants-load of jokes about crap above anything else in life. If there’s a howl to be enjoyed over a toilet bowl full of unmentionables, by God – you people are all over it. And that is why we are going to talk about poop.

Shit is fascinating. It’s always on time and rarely celebrated, but when it is unexpected it is the most important thing in the whole world. Further, Number Two is something we all do as humans and we can relate. We have all been there, hunkered down after coffee and reading the shampoo bottle to pass time. I love this about us, that we understand the relevance of a good dump.

This is what I know about dookie:

* Like most people, I can’t poop in a public toilet unless it is a valid emergency. If I may be candid, I prefer to save my hot cable for the home office. In those must-go circumstances in the world, I feel like a primitive beast that is dragging down evolution. Everything is louder in a bathroom stall. It makes me sad.

* Everyone farts when they need to poop. A chronic farter is just someone looking for a home office. It is true that some folks get a bit gassy because of certain foods. On the other hand, maybe they aren’t trying hard enough to take a crap. When the butt-horn sounds, I am all about a magazine and alone time.

* When I wipe away my problem area, I prefer a combination of toilet paper and moist towelettes. As a matter of fact, I think moist towelettes are a necessity. They get rid of cling-ons, smears and my cheeks are always fresh. Being fresh is important to me, as a person who owns white underwear. I’m like you – stains harsh my mellow. Moist towelettes lend confidence and reassurance is visible on laundry day.

Good luck to one and all on their BM’s today. Think of me, if you will, and remind yourself that what you are doing is good and just. Your relief is our bond. In the comment section, below, you are invited to discuss anything of fecal importance. No one will be judged. Need inspiration? Visit RateMyPoo.com, but do not arrive there on an empty stomach. Graphic indeed. Very much NOT safe for work.

FYI – check out the new poll when you have time. It’s about the Internet, and how it might be better than other things in your life. All votes are anonymous. Have at it!

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23 comments:

Anonymous said...

I didn't vote for poop, but I do think the results are interesting. That makes me an atypical Mojopost reader.

LV

Anonymous said...

ROFL! Ahh Mojo ya brightened my day. Nice because the sun doesn't rise here until 9am now. Poop and farts, the funny backbone of the male animal. In my case, my four year old son. Nothing gets him laughing more than a good fart.

Ahhh man... at the time of this writing he just got up and peeeeuuuuuwwww, an atomic diaper! Poor kid, we think he's got a tummy bug, since he's hardly eaten in the last two days. Well anyway, got to toss him in the shower and hose him down. Some movements require more then a few moist towelettes!

Peace!
aereaus

Mojopo said...

Hi, LV! Please help me pray for Aereaus, because it sounds like he's going to have a full day. Good luck, sir!

Anony tu said...

As a member of the Chrone's society, I am a fan of public restrooms and they are the first thing I survey when I enter a public building the way some people look for exits in case of fire.

The moist towelettes are a good idea.

Unrelated to poo, but the next best thing, shoes, I think we should all have a pair of these ready for Jan. 20:

http://www.time.com/time/photogallery/0,29307,1866936_1815477,00.html

Yes?

Anony tu said...

Oops. Why no link?

http://www.time.com/time/photogallery/0,29307,1866936_1815477,00.html

Oh well, drag and click. Really cool Obama shoes. No cleats.

Mojopo said...

Keds? Keds! YESHHH. Thank you Anony tu! I bet I can throw the hell out of those. And they're cool.

Anonymous said...

here's one reason why internet is better than ....

http://bushbash.flashgressive.de/

http://www.sockandawe.com/

but back to today's topic, it doesn't have to be shoes, as Mojo suggested few days ago =)

LV

skeeter...... said...

Classic Mojo..... you have a gift. All is right and regular in my world now. Thank you......

Minnie-sota said...

Hahahahaha, Mojo. I wish you good fiber and moist towelettes forever.

Anony tu said...

Glad you like the shoes, Mojo. You know what's so great about your blog? The way you respond to the will of the people! Yes. Your polls are not only scientific but humpin! And, yes, poo is the peoples' choice!

This week's poll, can I lobby for my choice or is that bad form? Oh wait, this is Amerika! There's no such thing as bad form here, yes? So, Chicken Nuggets! Vote Chicken Nuggets!

PapaPig said...

An old but good poop joke.

What does the Spaceship Enterprise and Toilet Paper have in common?

Answer: They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.

PapaPig said...

Come on people there must be a Butt Load of poop jokes out there!

I call this one Let go of my Lego.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jaV3qQJoMs

PapaPig said...

This guy has turdie birdie feet!

More lego poop humor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOotwsStLEM

Anonymous said...

I'm like you Mojo. I don't understand people who don't use the moist towelettes. How do they know they're clean? Can't they feel the klingons? Let's not even talk about sex with these people cause it's too gross to think about..... Ewwww!!! :-(

\\Speedy//

Anony tu said...

What we need in this uncivilized country are bidets! Quick! Let's write a petition! Obama will get us bidets, yes?

PapaPig said...

But we need to set up bidet plants here. Not that France doesn't make nice ones and thankfully we're friends again, but porcelain was always a thing we did, American Standard bidets. I am sure the American ones will have a hot water knob as well.

Bidets are also useful on the farm as watering troughs. The animals can hit the lever and get fresh water like an animal water fountain. Those more challenged animals like ducks can just drink from the bowl.

For years as a piglet I thought the farmer had installed an indoor water through for me, until one day I saw his wife use it. After that I just used mud pond outside for drinks.

Also if you leave a fresh bar of soap on the edge it's easier to teach children good hand washing habits if they can't reach the regular sink.

This is brilliant. I wonder how many people would be employed by equipping American home with a bidet! Simply inventive!

Oh never mind, I just realized no one could afford to buy one. Can't get a bidet loan either despite the money we gave the banks. Heck the money we gave the banks would probably put a bidet in every home!

I knew this idea was too good to be true. oh poop!

Anony tu said...

If Mojopo doesn't put up a new post soon, I will go crazy!!! I've got goodies to share. Here's one:

http://play.sockandawe.com/

Anony tu said...

Oh no! Somebody already posted that! Here's another goodie, then:

http://www.zazzle.com/bush+throw+shoes

I needs me some Throw Me At George Bush shoes!

Anony tu said...

And don't you folks know you can read the bible online? So how's the net better than the bible? Chicken nuggets ain't got no stinkin bibles. Vote Chicken Nuggets!

Mojopo said...

Nug-gets! Nug-gets! Nug-gets!

Mojopo said...

Don't you hate it when you feel like you must poop and the only thing that comes out amounts to less than a chicken nugget? Me too.

PapaPig said...

Mojo, you need fiber.

Fiber is good shit! :@)

Yvette said...

It's amazing how poop generates comments.