Monday, January 05, 2009

Memo - Blago To Bill Richardson

I've been told that I have a lot of energy. The secret is that I use renewable resources. Some days I'm solar powered. Some days I'm wind powered. And some people in this room might think I'm hybrid gas-powered. You'll just have to guess which it is today.
-- Governor Bill Richardson

SeƱor Bill Richardson
FROM: Big Rod Blago
DATE: January 4, 2009
SUBJECT: My New Club

Hi, Bill – how’s it hanging, you big fat [bleep]hole? Pretty low, huh? Ha ha ha. I didn’t do anything wrong, either! HAA HAA HAAAH!

Wanna hang out? Let’s start a band. I’ll be the white guy and you can be the Mexican, but we still need a queer and at least one black person.

Porko – let’s face it – you are as [bleeped] as I am. The court of public opinion has turned their back on me, and so what? You can’t let this [bleep] get you down or it will make you nuts. Sometimes I just want to say [bleep] it, but I figured that I might as well have some fun. It is so liberating, Porko. Highly recommended.

Let’s roll in my Cadillac SUV, do shots of sizzurup and you can carry a knife (for show). I know how much your people like their knives. We could [bleep] some things up, hardcore. Unless you want to act like a little bitch?

Get Your Party On,
Kanye Blagojevich

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jennmcq said...

Well, I guess we now know where the after-after party is going to be held!

Mojopo said...

Chi-Town then New May-hi-co!

Anonymous said...

Goes me to bed now. Back in the later to give Bill Richardson hell for being a LOSER! And to think I wasted emotion on liking him once.

PapaPig said...

I was ripped. You would think if I sent in $1 to his campaign I would get a contract.

Bye bye Bill....

Minnie-sota said...

Dammit. That's all I have to say about Bill Richardson at the moment.

anony tu said...

Now Bill is as popular as taxidermy. This is more than nudging my cynicism meter up a notch. Next we'll find Dennis Kucinich is the Ohio Klan's Imperial Wizard. Don't do it, Dennis! If you turn out to be a schmuck, then, Ralph is right! It's the end of the world!

Garddamit, Bill! Spank your butt right this minute!

a.t. said...

But my! you'd make a fine looking gameshow host!

PapaPig said...

My cynicism has been confirmed.

If he is having this trouble with his own team, wait till he battles Reid and Pelosi! And the Rep in Congress.

Stuff on his desk to sign Jan 20? Maybe a rent bill for the White House, retroactive back to Jan 2001.

Anonymous said...

Well, this is why we all dream of moving to Amsterdam! Have you seen it? The latest from those putzzes at Scribner? Yeah, they signed Laura Bush a deal to publish her memoirs! A multi-million dollar deal they say! What?! Like Laura has some memories floating around in that thorazine cloud she shuffles along inside of, yes? Oh, and don't get all excited, it ain't gonna include the manslaughter thing. It's supposed to focus on her First Lady memoirs, not her psychotic Texas debutante memoirs, those were in the days of youthful indiscretion and rage. Long gone now, a page from the debutante diaries:

"I didn't DO it! Okay, I did, but I didn't MEAN to! Okay, I did mean to, but I LOVED him! I loved him. Even though he broke my heart, I loved him. Even if he said he'd be mine forever... ... which was a lie... ...the LYING BASTARD DESERVED IT! No WAIT! I DIDN'T DO IT!!!! Okay, I did. But..." Keerap!

Stupid Scribner jerks make real writers lick their insoles, sign Laura Bush for millions, God is dead.

at said...

Oh, looky there! Cremation has overtaken Donate organs. Mummification still lagging waaaay behind.

This guy wants us to build corpses. Ooo, me first! me first!

at said...

Wait! Look a little closer at KingHuman. It is, isn't it? It's Joe the Plumber! Oh, hi, Joe, hi. How's total obscurity working out for ya?

PapaPig said...

Speaking of cream-mation. I suggest doing me in pineapple juice. Heat at 350 20 minutes per pound and have a party!

Mojopo said...

EEEI! The people are cooking themselves! Who can blame Papa? He is so delicious and bacon-y.

Oh my goodness, we are a motley bunch. And this was my Crooks and Liars day, too, on Mike's Blog Round Up (again? Thanks Mike!). They liked the Rapturoos and put me in the Holy Crap section. No accounting for taste! I've decided that those people are SO lazy. They come in, they read my stuff and never even say, "Hay, thanks!" Sure, it's nice to have a thousand or so people drop by. BUT! How many other bloggery writing people stop by and build a rapport with the folks who drop in, huh? Whatever, man - whatever. I'm so over them if they're going to be that way.

You, on the other hand, you rock! Speedy, Minnie, Nikki, Rusty, Pugs, Anony Tu in prison, Papa Pig, that mick JennMcQ, Wide Part (among others) - you are decent people. Every day you have something to say. I like that in a person.

Thank you! No, really.

Anonymous said...

You know, in this day of speed and steroid enhanced typing, we don't often take the time to savor what our bloggerators lay before us. We are sooo anxious to have our own say that we scarcely glance before leaping right in, yes? And then, before we know it, a post goes downstream before we actually even know what it said. For this reason, in spite of there being a newer, sleeker model thread above this one, I'm have another look at this one. It's okay, I love the classics!

Now, look. Our blog goddess did some mighty fine journalism in her post and few if any of us (I'm including myself) really took notice. I can tell by reading the comments. For instance, nobody, but nobody made any wiseass cracks about the Richardson quote with which our hostess began her treatise. That's because none of us noticed it, that's why. Oh, just like my young son, skip the salad and go straight for the chicken nuggets.

Well, it's just not right. This piece was heavily researched and we treated it like a cheap whore! So, on behalf of everyone, I will make the Richardson quote wiseass comment: "Some days I'm solar powered, some days wind powered, on bean burrito days I'm methane."

Forgive us, Mojo.

Mojopo said...

Oh Sally, this is the way of the world. I'm just glad no one does "FIRST" because I'll delete the hell out of that, el snappy!

The Internet is one big gag. We're all passing notes behind teacher's back. I just so happen to have some poop jokes and fart faces to share, because I like that sort of thing. This is a toybox and where is my face-buster? Ah, there it is. I dress it up with a topic and WAH LAA.