Thursday, January 08, 2009

Roland Burris and His Legion Of Zombies



















Democrats in Illinois and the US Senate have been transformed into a legion of brain-eating zombies. It happened overnight. The swarming hives of ethics lovers were up in arms about Blago appointing Roland Burris on Monday. By Wednesday the Dems had decided they don’t want to live, if living is without Roland. Wot?

My Democrats love to get in line for things. They fall in for elections, picketing and to collect unemployment checks. Lines, lines, lines. Can’t get enough of them! When the Zombie Cooties broke out, it spread fast among Democrats because we are all waiting in line and huddled together. The change was swift and dramatic.

Jesse White, the IL Secretary of State who initially refused to certify Roland, has changed his damn-fool mind. Sen. Harry Reid became animated long enough to seem disapproving, but he couldn’t stand it. No spine. Even President-elect Obama was all like, “No way!” for five whole seconds. He, too, has backed away. Today, Senate Dems have “I LOVE ROLAND” flags hanging out of their tender behinds. They can’t love Roland enough, is what I am saying. Blago is laughing from his political grave as the reigning Zombie King.

Roland played his race card, the card I had spent months trying to diminish once and for all. And those idiots fell for it. When I got on board the Obama bandwagon I made a point to work against this card because the color of one’s skin should have nothing to do with anything. Silly me and my rainbow-colored crayon box.

I would agree that the US Senate is far too pale to accurately represent America, but Roland’s instant hot chocolate is hardly the elixir we need. If Roland had been up for a special election I would have been happy to hear him out. There was a door of opportunity and then Roland painted it black. He agreed to be appointed to office by Blago – a man who put a dollar value on his integrity, who is facing federal corruption charges – and for what? It is disgusting, but no one in charge calls it disgusting because they have their mouths full of brains.

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15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Burris needs to submit medical evidence to prove he is alive - I've seen pictures of his tomb. I agree with your assessment that he is likely a Zombie, and they have no place in the Senate - primarly due to the lack of suitable eating material.

-Bruno

PapaPig said...

Zombie, maybe, more like the living mummificated taxidermy example of modern times.

He had to dig up the un dead as no one alive would take the position.

Anonymous said...

Hey, why isn't "zombification" one of our choices in this week's Mojopoll? Still, I guess it's hard to cover all of the bases. Right now, I'm just so delighted and proud of Mummification I could roll up in a ball and toy my butt crack! Go, Mummy, Go!!
__________
Okay, THIS Mojopost is one of the most important I've read YET! In it, Ms Po informs us of a zombie virus tearing at supersonic speed through the ranks of our Democratic public servants. See, I never would have guessed! I was thinking stuff like, oh, payola, seedy backroom finagling, cutthroat power moves, probably a dash of blackmail here and there. But, zombie virus?! That just got right past me! Didn't even see it coming!

But, now, pay close attention to this post. Notice that unlike those run-of-the-mill, milktoast journalists, (oh, can't you just hear them right now? "ooo, there's a big bad zombie virus coming to get us, ooo, ooo, game over! game over!"), is our Goddess Of View cowering behind her keyboard? Hell fuckin NO! She's burlin' up to meet the crisis like a Muslim mounting a unicorn! She's pullin out the stops! She's MAD AS HELL AND SHE'S NOT GONNA TAKE THIS ANYMORE! And neither should we!

Avoid lines, people!

So, do I give this Mojopost a 10? Get out! Are you kiddin'?! I give it a MEGA 10!
____________
One of these days, these Mojoposts are going to be collected into a comprehensive volume and distributed worldwide. I'll be an old pant-shitting vagrant living in a cardboard box by then, but I sincerely hope one of you will look for me and give me a copy of it so's I can lick it!

Anonymous said...

This state is so pathetically corrupt and politically diseased, that it's either vote for zombies or demons. Both parties in this state need to have its "experienced" member flushed, the ranks scrubbed with industrial strength shit remover and restocked with fresh live individuals. (umm, where the hell are any new, non-stank smelling candidates?). The problem is that we as voters still want to vote for the same rancid few that keep corn holing the state. Therefore, any new individuals who may have some ideals and want to run for office are disenchanted by those odds and the endless corruption and BS. Illinois is F'd indeed.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of...

I keep gettin shit in my emails from the internetz from all these hundreds of organizations i've joined and signed they're stupid petitions, and given good, hard, cold cash to that promised to fight the bush cabal to the bitter end and then sold me the fuckin teeshirts cause there wasn't much else they could do since pelosi, reid, and every other shit-ass spineless, shiftless democrat in congress except kucinich and wexler would have rather taken a puke bath than to make... anybody!... angry, so they took every hard and formidable inch right up the wahzoo and, yes, they even encouraged all of america to take it that way too, and do you know what these organizations want to know? they want to know what, what, oh, what am i planning for my celebration of bush leaving the white house in a few days! what am i planning? SUICIDE, maybe! i can't take the frustration. i can't take it that this arrogant fuck and his arrogant posse are gonna just walk, just walk! and not even offer us a moist towelette to clean up! and i blame WE, america. yes, WE! there has not been a time since the year 1.9.9.9 when there wasn't at least 50% of the american electorate that knew george w bush is an inept, putzillated, slimy cumball, egomaniacal fratboy who had as much business running the country as i do being crowned queen of england, and yet out of that 50% you'd be lucky to find one shoe-thrower out of a thousand -- no! out of one-hundred thousand! we suck. except Mojo and four others...

out of all the fuckers in this country and out of all the fuckers in the entire world, there are but four -- count them, four -- real heroes: al-zeidi, the guy who yelled "go fuck yourself, mr. cheney", the guy who threw the snowball at sean hannity, and Cindy Sheehan. that's pitiful. so what am i doing on the day bush withdraws his cock from my ass? i dunno.

a.t. said...

That was my e.e. cummings stylings. Ja like it?

OH MY GOD LOOOOOOK AT THE POLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PapaPig said...

I agree, Kucinich and Wexler rock. The only real people in Congress the last term.

Pelosi and Reid are so pukefaced wussies, they will be Obama's real enemies in Congress.

Know why Pelosi and Reid stood by and did nothing to Bush? They are just as guilty as are a lot of Democrats that have the virus of agreeing and supporting Bush in their votes.

An impeachment would have turned out from the Rep side. "Hmm lets see you Dem, you want to impeach the guy you voted to give your power away too and now you think it's wrong?"

It would have been a blood bath on both sides.

It had nothing to do with getting on with business and forgiving or what ever excuse they used. They are just as guilty.

One of my favorites out of the last Congress was Sen Rockefeller taking all that money from Verizon and saying they can't be held accountable for spying on innocent citizen. I hope he goes to hell.

Anonymous said...

This is a humorous and horrifying deal with the devil Blago. Can Blago still be a Dem after this fubar? I love him in so many way for being such an a$$hole!!! Dems seem stunned and stupified. Burris is like chocolate Matlo Meal. He just slides right in....

\\Speedy//

Mojopo said...

I got the same messages from a group asking me how I will celebrate Bush leaving office. You hit the nail right on the fucking head with your postings, Anony.

All of these "celebration" e-mails stink of crotch-breath and assholery. The problem is, as you rightly pointed out, my anus is a bit tore up from 8 years of political gang-rape by the government. I don't jig as well as I used to. Grateful it's over? Of course I am, but I'm still angry that it went on this long! Those bastards gave Bush everything he wanted. And when they didn't, he took it by force.

Mojopo said...

Papa, you know who else in the senate is going to be a bitch? John Kerry, I betcha. Our senate is full of cannibalistic zombies.

PapaPig said...

John Kerry got left out of everything Obama. You're right MJ.

I have this feeling either Congress is going to come around or they will be the next target in the next election.

After all they approval rating was 10 points below Bush, yet 90% of them were re-elected.

There is something wrong with that picture.

It's also proof to my why Caroline is perfect. Experience only means they know how to game the lobbyists for more money.

a. t.. said...

Mummification Update:

It appears Mummification is rocking the vote!! A spokesperson for Mummy's campaign assures that Mummy will not become complacent about this upturn. "We know there are a few more days before the final vote is tallied," said the spokesperson, "If this campaign proves nothing else, it shows that anything can happen, so we won't rest until all of the votes are in." More results as they come in. (Go, Mummy.)

Mojopo said...

Oh my goodness! Go Mummy! So look, I already have a resting place. My parents bought a nice (no, CREEPY) family plot, when the funeral home was running a deal. I keep telling my mother is wish to be cremated or something else, but she insisted on adding me in.

Mojopo said...

Buy two, get one free. But we do have a nice view of the lake.

Minnie-sota said...

I've been busy so haven't had much time to pay attention. But yes, I was surprised to hear about the change of stance of seating Roland Burris.