Saturday, January 10, 2009
Blago's Post-Impeachment Press Conference
The following is a condensed transcript of Gov. Rod Blagojevich’s comments on Friday, after the Illinois Hizzouse impeached him.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life. Electric word, life. It means forever, and that's a mighty long time.
In my life, I have provided breast exams to impoverished women in Hyde Park. With my own bare hands! For this, I have been impeached.
I sponsored a program to give our elderly citizens all of the drugs they could possibly hope for. Good drugs, too. Your grandmother was in pain, I pulled some strings. For this, I have been impeached.
There was a young man – 12 or 18 years old, I think (I forget). Whatever, the point is that I, Rod Blagojevich, gave him my own liver. I stitched it into his body, too, and that boy is Michael Phelps. I’m so proud of us both. And yet - for this, I have been impeached.
In closing, I’d like to share a poem I have written.
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who’s dick was so big he could suck it
He said with a grin,
As he bargained in,
“Pay to play me or you can go fuck it.”
The Clash – I Fought The Law