Thursday, January 15, 2009

We Can Work It Out 2 - Employment Opportunities














If this is your first visit to Mojopost, welcome to our weekly employment search blog. This is the one about me trying to help you find a job. Remember what those looked like? To all others – welcome back! If anyone asks you why you’re on-line goofing off instead of earning a living, simply point to my blog and look earnest. “Pardon me, but I’m busy looking for work right now.” It is that easy.

JOBS
Car Wash Technician
Alaska Laser Wash - Anchorage, Alaska
Have you ever tried to wash a car when it’s forty degrees below zero? That’s when lasers come in handy, I guess. This job provides a serious opportunity to learn a skill while providing a valuable service to the community. You might even meet Todd Palin and buff his snow machine. 70’s dance moves are a bonus but not required.
Talented Oddball
America’s Got Talent – Los Angeles, California
Can you thread your head between your knees while your rear is on fire? Belch Pi? Does your dog play a banjo? Here’s your chance to earn a million dollars. Only serious applicants should consider this opportunity.
Glassblower
(Employer name withheld) – New York, NY
With any luck and steady lips, you might not need a pair of kneepads for this job. Candidates for this position would be able to manage fragile situations, stifling heat and have an artistic flair. Blow, Gabriel, blow!
If you need me to look at your resume, I would be more than happy to help. My e-mail address is on the right. Good luck!

Bookmark and Share


The Beatles – A Hard Day’s Night

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mmmmmm, to what end would someone want to wash a car with -40°?

LV

P.S. I've got a cold and I'm stuck at home =(

PapaPig said...

I knew a guy that married a glass blower. Said it was pretty erotic if you could take all the flame burns...

I said no thank you!

Anonymous said...

Those jobs suck ass Mojo! My cats don't do anything but eat and sleep so the LA job is out. I have not idea why you'd want to wash your car when it's -40 degrees. Glassblower sounds interesting but I know I'd burn myself.... I need a job where I can goof off all day and make money!!

\\Speedy//

Anonymous said...

Those jobs suck ass Mojo! My cats don't do anything but eat and sleep so the LA job is out. I have not idea why you'd want to wash your car when it's -40 degrees. Glassblower sounds interesting but I know I'd burn myself.... I need a job where I can goof off all day and make money!!

\\Speedy//

Anonymous said...

Those jobs suck ass Mojo! My cats don't do anything but eat and sleep so the LA job is out. I have not idea why you'd want to wash your car when it's -40 degrees. Glassblower sounds interesting but I know I'd burn myself.... I need a job where I can goof off all day and make money!!

\\Speedy//

Minnie-sota said...

I want the same kind of job that Speedy wants, hah.

J9 said...

But you forgot this one:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090113/od_afp/lifestyleaustraliatourismoffbeat_20090113032028
A Friend sent it to me - I think they want me to leave the country!

an. t. said...

Speedy thinks these jobs suck ass, Mojo.

The reason the name of the employer for the "glassblower" is withheld? That'd be Mr. Glass.
Do NOT answer that ad. He's about one-hundred years old and does NOT remember to use moist towellettes.

Oh, you people who vote "cool - so cool" are makin my feelins hurt. So, when are you going to eat these cool - so cool neighbors of yours?

Ack! The time! The time!

an. t. said...

Mojopo, you know what's not fair about life? What's not fair about life is, as a person lives it, they make decisions about things based on whatever information or experience they have at the time when they make them, but they have no way of knowing they will ever need to have made another decision until it's way to fuckin late. That's what's not fair about life. In other words, you only get to experience now while it's happening, and you can only see what's already happened and, even if you learn some lessons from seeing what happened, you still can't possibly know everything you're going to need in the future because... ... because you can't SEE the goddam future. And it's not fair. Because some of us WOULD do things the right way if we only KNEW what the right way is going to be, right? Like when I was a kid. I had a one point over a thousand LP's. Do you know what LP's are? Or were? They were made of vinyl and were round but fit into these flat fourteen inch by fourteen inch cardboard envelopes. You will not believe this but THAT is all we had when I was a kid to listen to recorded music with. I know, it seems like I'm making this up but it's true! And I had about a thousand of these heavy, bulky things and I took them with me everytime I moved in or out of a place which was very often because, in those days, I didn't really live anywhere in particular and neither did any of my friends.

So, I had to take those things with me. Once, I left about half of the clothes I owned at a house I'd been staying in because, once I'd filled up my car's back seat and trunk with LP's, I didn't have enough room for all of my clothes, sort of, and I valued my LP's more than my clothes. Anyway, as I got older and my LP collection had continued to grow in volume, I finally got tired of toting those LP's around. At this time, cassettes were coming out, and a friend of mine who had a job in a music store told me that, as the cassettes came in, they weren't ordering any albums on LP that they could get on cassette. He said that even all the old stuff was getting rereleased on cassette and he said I should start getting cassettes and dump those LP's. So I started keeping LP's just long enough for them to be rereleased on cassette and then I dumped the LP. Eventually I'd replaced so many of my great LP's with cassettes that I felt confident that I'd be able to replace all of my LP's with cassettes. So, the next time I moved, I only packed up the LP's that I was listening to at the time and my cassettes, and I left a whole shitpot of LP's behind. One of the LP's I left was the only album a band named Pato had put out before the band broke up, and it had this hot, hot song on it called "Singin the Blues on Reds." Have you ever heard it? Of course you haven't! You know why? Cause they never released the damn thing on cassette! See? Not fair.

Anyway, the reason I'm telling you this is because, as you know, I was raised catlick. After all that time as a catlick, I sort of started wondering why I invested in belief system that was invented before people even knew what bacteria is. I mean, that's just ONE of the things they didn't know. There's a shit lot of these they didn't know! I mean who is to say that had those people had science that they would have come up with all those silly catlick notions anyway? I bet it never would have happened had they had science, don't you? So I stopped being catlick.

What's not fair is that, at the time when I stopped being catlick I never could have known this night was coming. Tonight, I wish I were catlick again, because earlier this evening I listened to george bush's finally speech as pResident. If I were catlick now, I'd believe in hell. And I could be happy knowing that slimy fuck is going there someday.

Minnie-sota said...

An.T., I wasn't sure where your essay was going, but I thought you would end up by saying you wished you had those LPs so you could sell them on eBay now, which would tide you over until they fix the damn economy.

an. t. said...

I know, Minnie. I took the long way around. It was deceptive. I apologize.

Oh gosh! Where is Mojo! Has she been swept away in a Rod Blagowago killing spree?! Mojo, come home!!!!