Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Bank of America Blew The Rent On A Kegger













Bank of America failed to read my Field Guide For Shameless Wall Street Types. They were too busy to pay attention because they were blowing their bail-out on a Super Bowl party for “prospective clients” while “marketing loan products”. Obvious euphemisms for “open bar” and “party ‘till you puke”.

If there is a more frat-bastard way to create a PR nightmare during an economic disaster, let me know.

For a company that was crying a torrential downpour of salty tears, teetering on the brink of a suicide cliff, BoA sure knows how to get down. They could have given people knock-off watches for opening a new account at their bank, but NO. Hmmm, considerate business gimmicks v. body shots with cougars? Cougars win!

I spent some time looking at news sites on Monday, to see how many people were as eye-bulging mad as I am about BoA. Funny thing happened at the ABC News forum. About 300 people signed up to that site yesterday, to comment in favor of BoA. First time visitors. Go ahead and click on the profiles belonging to pro-BoA monikers and see for yourself. That’s what corporate damage control looks like. How very thoughtful of those BoA employees to stink-up the Internet when they should have been preoccupied with making us some money.

I want my TARP back. Actually, I want my money plus a free pass to go hog-wild epileptic on the entire list of executives at BoA. First in line for this opportunity should be former BoA employees laid-off in 2008 (to curb expenses). Fair is fair.

Did anyone really expect corporations to take the fiscal and moral high ground when they received TARP money? Why, and who are you really? It would have taken five minutes for any elected official (or former president) to outline decent behavior, but they flaked – distracted by inhaling and exhaling into paper bags about the money problems.

If it were up to me the US government would regulate, legislate and berate the crap out of these companies, because they are incapable of making good choices on their own. Their business models keep breaking down and we deserve something else.

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20 comments:

anony tu said...

Wow! 10. no time.

Mojopo said...

I'm that way. And thank you much. My pals love your comments, you big silly.

Anonymous said...

wtf!!! How stupid these guys think we are?! or do they think business as usual as Bush was still the president?!

LV

Mojopo said...

LV, yes. You get it. Also, thanks for the awesome postcard! I just got it. It's on my fridge.

Anonymous said...

on your fridge! I'm honored!

you're welcome.

LV

Minnie-sota said...

I'm not outraged that BoA sponsored an NFL Experience party. What does outrage me is that the NFL and BoA charged tickets for it! Make entrance free to the people. And let kids get autographs for free. Sheesh.

Their justification for charging is that proceeds to go some kids charity. Sure.

Anonymous said...

I want all the TARP money to go party with Dubya.... I just finished my tax refund today. Let's see if they actually believe me!!! =)

\\Speedy//

Minnie-sota said...

People, you need to vote for Sasquatches. Whatever is just too wimpy, man.

Mojopo said...

My sister calls her lady-place a Sascrotch.

a.tuu said...

Minnie's most recent post gets a 10 because she is so right about Whatever man's wimpiness. I would NEVER vote Whatever man because I am secure in my manhood/male lesbianism. Whatever man is for people who are indecisive and weak and pitifully insecure in their sexual persona pysche thingie. Bravo, Minnie!Keep callin em how you see em, girl!

a.tu said...

And Go Sasquatch!!
_____________
THIS Mojopost makes me ripping mad because I hate wasteful cheating! This is precisely why we folks in Louisiana keep our money in our freezers. I have NEVER had a bank account, but I have had very many nice freezers. But even freezers -- Amanas even -- have their drawbacks here. Storms! We have a lot of them. Even when they are not ass-kickers like Katrina, they cause one big problem with freezers: Power outages. When the power goes out, the meat in the freezers starts to rot. Naturally, you'd think we'd throw it out then before it stinks up all the money, but we do not. Why? Because of alligators. The rotted meat attracts them. They are dangerous sometimes. They will eat your dog.

At those times of power outages, the only thing we Louisianos are grateful for is that we do not live in Australia. In Australia there are even bigger lizards than alligators called crocodiles and they are not only dangerous but mean. (Alligators are not mean, just hungry.) Also in Australia there are snakes many times more poisonous than our deadly poisonous snakes here in Louisiana. Our snakes will kill you dead but Australia snakes will kill you way past dead. They also have tiny jellyfish in Australia that will kill you with one sting, and a type of octopus that is also tiny and cuddly cute but deadly, and sharks.

Still, Amana is better than BoA. But we should stop using banks everywhere in America and stop using money too! And go to bartering. Bartering is cool because it's friendly and nobody can steal bartering from you AND! if we went to bartering, scum like the superbowl partying slackers at BoA would actually have to PRODUCE something in order to be fed. That alone will punish those punks because it sounds too much like work. But for us everyday folk, bartering would work just fine, yes?

I know you are worried about prostitutes. How will they make out in a barter based economy? Are you kidding me?! They'll make out like bandits! As it is, all a prostitute gets for her invaluable humanitarian services is a toke off a crack pipe, and/or an ass beating from her pimp who takes all her money away from her. Under a bartering system, the pimp can go eat shit, while the working girl will have a beautiful home with all the amenities imaginable built for her by the tradesmen and craftsmen she provides humanitarian services to. MALE prostitutes will make out even better. Not only will they have exquisite houses built for them but they will be tastefully decorated as well.

Anonymous said...

But I don't know why I'm advocating bartering. At the place where it is reputed that I work, I hardly hit a lick at a snake. Unless it gets too close to me. Hey!! I'd be fucked in a bartering system!!

Anonymous said...

well, I do feel confuse, but not about my female lesbianism. I whatever man color sounds fine to me. Although, I'm agnostic, thanks god.

LV

a.tu said...

Okay, LV, so I went a little over the top. But, seriously, have you ever met a sasquatch you didn't like?

Go Sasquatch!

Anonymous said...

Have you a martian you don't like? Marvin the martian?

LV

Mojopo said...

oooh, a grudge match! sasquatch v. martians. i am glued to the screen!

Mojopo said...

mins, why are you mad about the tickets and not wasteful spending?

Mojopo said...

anony - i have an amana fridge right this very second, and it freezes my milk and lettuce. but i don't mind. no one wants a warm fridge. the dials do not pay attention to my cooling needs, but so what? my sour cream lasts longer than anyone and it's soemthing i am proud of.

Mojopo said...

speedy! I was worried about you! i thought you gave me up for pre-lent. tell me more about mall cop.

party like dubya. hey, do you have any gruesome stories about speeders that you can share? that would be awesome.

Minnie-sota said...

Ohhhh, I didn't see your question, Mojo. I am a football fan and don't see it as wasteful spending. I want my NFL party and BoA may as well pay for it. Hah.